In my life, I consider the moments of moving in faith, “jumping the cliff”.
Like quitting my job, letting go of a 4-year crush that I thought would be the relationship of my life (HAHA), things like that.
I have no idea what’s at the bottom, if there is a bottom.
I have no idea if it will end in blood splattered everywhere.
Or if I’ll somehow be okay.
When I do jump the cliff, it’s with the knowing that I don’t know.
That I will never know.
Unless I jump the damn cliff.
To my death.
Or my thriving.
And I’ve found that about 100% of my leaps have never failed to be the best thing I’d ever done for myself.
Sometimes – actually, every time, it would feel like I’m abandoning God.
Or that I’m inviting her to abandon me.
But I’d do it anyway.
Because it feels like the only way to live, Truly Live, where I was in that moment.
Because I could no longer bullshit myself that it’s fine as it is.
Because I wanted something more for me, for my life.
Because I knew and believed there’s more out there than I know.
And I’m willing to allow it to remind me of my wings.
That’s kinda cheesy. But that’s okay.
One of the cliffs I jumped in the past couple years is leaving church.
That cliff stressed the shit out of me for 2-3 years before I made the decision.
I felt like I was forsaking my parents, my heritage, myself, God, my Life.
Talk about dramatic.
But that’s what it felt like.
Like I was rejecting my own faith and truth.
It got to a point where I could no longer bear to go to church.
It no longer aligned with me and my evolution, my growth, my relationship with God.
I had mulled over it, weighed the pros and cons, prayed about it, talked with my friends about it, tried to understand it until there was nothing left to beat out of the situation.
And I had to make the call.
Or choose my own unhappiness.
And if there’s one thing I like to be, it’s happy.
So here I am.
One bigass cliff below me, the world ahead.
Also ahead is part 2 of the journey of leaving church. This post is already longer than I expected. And I’m ready to get on with my day. Thanks for reading!