Me: Mom, I have something to tell you.
Me: It’s kind of hard to say.
Mom: Just say it.
Me: I know… but…
Me: I’m dating someone
Me: Not a man
Me: I’m dating that friend I brought over a couple months ago
Mom: That’s it?
Me: … yeah, I guess that’s it. Lol.
I was slightly confused at her nonchalance but also pleased and surprised it was that easy.
But it took a few seconds for the news to sink in.
Then the conversation walked the line between conversation and debate.
She immediately asked me if I thought it was okay to do this, if I thought God was okay with this.
I responded that yes, I felt it was okay to “do this”. And I knew God is more than okay with me choosing my life.
She brought up the bible, how God was not cool with homosexuals as depicted by Sodom and Gomorrah.
I said Sodom and Gomorrah had bigger issues than homosexuality. And that I wasn’t going to debate the bible.
She asked me if I was completely turned off from men.
I said it had nothing to do with sex. It had everything to do with a soul-heart connection that bled past borders, labels, and understanding.
She asked, what if the perfect man came my way? Would I say no to him?
I said, no, if there was a being, a man that I could connect with deeper, greater, higher, better, stronger, sweeter than with Jolie, I would go with him.
She reminded me that pro-creation is the ultimate foundation of a romantic relationship.
I responded that I feel what I feel and who can change that? Who can control the heart?
She said God created us to be man and wife, not man and man, wife and wife.
I said God created me. God created Jolie. What else is there?
She hinted that Jolie was wrong, bad for corrupting me.
I said I had questions about sexuality before I met Jolie or had feelings for her.
She asked if I had feelings the moment I met her.
I said no, I thought we wouldn’t even be friends when I first saw her in class.
Round and round we went.
The beauty was, I knew where I stood and stand, and it was no longer at the feet of her approval, or anyone else’s.
I knew and know her love is true, however it comes out, however I may interpret it.
And I could sense her true desire for the very best for me.
I could feel her love, her concern, her dedication to her faith for me.
I got choked up when I shared this had been heavy on my heart, keeping it from her and Dad for over a year.
How I had wished I could bring Jolie home like my brother did with his girlfriend.
Mom: Bring her home. I’ll welcome her here. Bring her home.
That did me in.
With all her questions and doubt and worry and fear, opening her home to someone she didn’t understand, someone with too many tattoos, an unusual haircut (for a female), someone that didn’t belong in her world.
I was humbled.
And I received her expression of lovingkindness in that moment.
The conversation wound down, and she said:
I enjoyed our conversation. And I think I can learn to be more open. There are things I don’t understand yet, that I can’t say I know.
All I can say:
Truly, this conversation was a lot easier than I expected.
Life truly is meant for me, for us.
Not that I get what I want, but that the Truth remains, always.
It rings true and clear, quiet and powerful.
Truth in Surrender, in Love, in Faith, in Freedom.
This shit is real.
Jolie – Thank you for your patience, your unending love, generosity, kindness. You are so much in my life, my heart. You’re my favorite.
One down, one to go.