Five years ago, I was out in Barcelona studying abroad and sending photos of my experiences and adventures to my ex.
I prefaced my photos with:
Sorry, I’m horrible at taking pictures.
He immediately responded:
You are brilliant and everything you do is fucking fantastic.
I blushed at that, so aware of my melting heart, and the ever so quiet desire to believe that.
I felt like it was the most beautiful feeling in the world, to at least hear that from another, something I wouldn’t utter or even conceive of for myself.
Fast forward to a few moments before writing this.
I remembered his words, the moment I got his text.
You are brilliant and everything you do is fucking fantastic.
Brilliant…
Fantastic…
No.
Fucking fantastic.
Brilliant and fucking fantastic.
Me.
I am brilliant and everything I do is fucking fantastic.
I remembered the warm fuzzy feeling,
The sweetness dripping deep into me,
So sweet, I didn’t even want to admit how good it felt to be acknowledged so.
To be believed in like that,
To be seen like that,
To be known like that.
After all these years, those words are the only remains of my ex.
And I am blown away by that prophecy.
Because this is true.
My brilliance,
My fantastic-ness.
Though I couldn’t see, I had the gift of someone to see, to let me know.
And now, through the wisps of a memory, I have the gift of seeing myself,
Believing in myself,
Acknowledging myself,
Knowing myself.
I am the gift.
I am the brilliance.
I am fantastic at everything I do.
Because that’s just the way it be.
That’s the way it’s always been.
Easy, simple, true.
Me.
I can tell this is true by the way the universe is responding to me,
The way I feel,
The way I move,
The way I breathe,
The way I live.
There’s no place like here,
Being brilliant
And fucking fantastic at everything I do.
No place like me.
Interesting what a string of words planted in me years ago bloomed within,
A reminder that I am Beloved,
Whole,
Complete.
Just as I am.
Brilliant and fantastic at everything I do.
I wanna know what you think