Just like my Creator

I’m tired of fitting into boxes.

Tired of “making things work”.

Tired of withdrawing because I’m afraid of losing my space, my time, my energy.

Tired of “protecting” my space.

Tired of feeling like I need to justify my space and what I want.

Tired of “letting go”, learning not to attach myself.

I’m tired of not giving my desires and dreams room to breath, expand, grow, thrive.

Tired of taking over-responsibility of the world and neglecting my responsibility to myself.

I’m tired of being tired.

Tired of saying going with the flow is how I roll.

Tired that going with the flow is the best.

It’s not.

I want my flow.

I want my path, my desires, my dreams, my visions to come to fruition.

I want that to be enough.

Motherfucking enough.

I want to carve my path, be it with a shovel or a chisel.

Though I know it’s really not that strenuous, not meant so.

Universe makes it easy.

But that’s how deeply that desire runs.

To the point of going out of my way, reaching, stretching, demanding, pulling, yearning, straining even,

that’s how bad I want what I want.

The path with no one’s name on it but my own.

The path that’s no one’s business but mine.

That path that remains empty of footprints and forever will be if I don’t step on it.

I want every single thing I desire to come through, even the ones I don’t know about.

Even the ones I haven’t known because I never let them surface,

all in the name of surrender, detachment, freedom.

All those bubbles, effervescent, tingly, energetic, fickle, transient, every single little one.

If they exist, I want them.

Basically, I just want to live my life.

Not against the desires of others’ desires,

not in opposition to others’ presence in my life.

Just.

Me.

I want to do me.

Glide with others as they glide with me.

Choose my direction, choose my vision as suits me, knowing what is true for me remains, and what is not, falls away.

I deserve more than getting by.

I deserve more than surrender, than letting go into oblivion, drugged up on emptiness and detachment.

I deserve to feel fire, feel it blaze within and then forward, clearing my way.

I deserve absolute aliveness, expansion, thriving.

I deserve fullness in every single way.

I deserve the humanity and divinity that I am.

I deserve to live this life fully in both forms, in this one lifetime.

I deserve to shake my head no at the slightest dissatisfaction,

nod my head yes at the merest interest.

This is my birthright.

I have done no one, definitely not God, any good by retreating into the shadows of equanimity, learning to feel nothing, so that I learn to desire nothing.

I deserve the sun; it exists for me.

What purpose would it have if not to be felt by my cells, my skin, my heart, my consciousness?

How would the ground know my shadow, the shape of me if I didn’t stand and bask in the light?

Heart, awake.

Shed your feeble thoughts of laying yourself down for the “higher” glory of the universe, of God.

What higher glory is there than to come into the truth?

To step into right relationship with the Almighty, with All That Is,

who has been groaning against my neglect of myself,

against the immoral modesty of denying myself?

What higher glory is there than to accept, embrace, and harness the Powers That Be, the forces that lives within,

capable of calling forth every thing, every person, every experience I desire, that is meant for me?

None.

There is nothing higher nor truer.

I accept my path.

I accept my destiny and, in that, responsibly create it.

I am the Law of this life,

with my thoughts, my words, my desires, my whims.

I wield it, just as the Creator did, to create me, this vessel, this soul.

So it is.

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