I am so in love with my life.
I am so in love with me.
As I type, I see my reflection in the computer screen, as I watch the letters on the screen appear.
I once thought the idea of loving self as immoral pride, unspiritual, ungodly.
That it meant I was taking away from the presence of God in my life, diminishing her portion of the whole that is me.
I thought it meant I was veering from the truth,
because I’m here to serve God, not me,
because I’m here for a “higher” purpose, not the pleasure of loving me, following my heart desires.
I thought I was failing as a child of God,
a soldier, a warrior, a defender of truth, blah blah blah.
And love itself sounded so soft,
so not real, substantial,
not really something to bank on,
although I heard all day every day that God is love.
So why was loving self not part of the curriculum?
If I was sent on planet earth to serve others, out of love for them,
then who was going to love me?
I didn’t live in a third world country,
I had food, shelter, clothes, more than enough to not only survive, but to enjoy life.
So who was going to love me?
Who was I going to go to feel the love that was so important for me to share with others?
I was taught that God loves me.
But really,
who is God?
How can I feel her?
How can I KNOW her love?
How can I LIVE her love?
And I realized, there’s only one place that happens:
inside me.
There’s only one person who can RECEIVE her love in my life:
me.
There’s not an external event or experience that SHOWS me,
it’s ALL and ONLY my personal intimate deep experience of love.
I used to wait on, pray for, hope for God to show up, to change my life, touch my heart, break me down, build me up.
I used to think patience is a virtue.
Until I realized, I don’t give a shit about being virtuous.
I want to live my fucking live.
I want to live it the way I came to live it.
I don’t want to wait to live it, love it.
Because that’s what it felt like,
like I was waiting for the next spiritual experience,
praying for the next breakthrough,
hoping to feel the presence of God close.
And I knew there was more, there had to be more.
More than the moments of ecstatic supernatural experiences,
that came and went,
became memories.
As I plodded along my journey, I became aware of the truth that I am closer to God than I ever thought.
That God is closer to me than I’d ever imagined.
That the God I PRAYED actually, like really actually LIVED in me.
That there was no beginning, no end, no definition between God and me.
I received that message over and over and over and over again.
It was exhilarating and liberating every time I heard it.
It spoke to the part of me that wanted to be so close to God.
It spoke to the part of me that so dearly wanted to be known by God.
It spoke to the part of me that wanted to live God always, or rather die not.
From those messages, I knew I didn’t have to wait.
I knew patience could go suck it.
I knew it was available to me NOW.
Absolutely, no exception.
I knew it was truth.
I could feel it.
I began to open up to the reality that I AM AN EXPRESSION OF GOD.
My soul is not MY SOUL.
My soul IS GOD.
I AM God.
People may call that blasphemy, heresy, whatever.
The younger Grace would have too.
But I’m too deep in this to deny what has been shown to me in the quiet, the secret, the depths of my being.
I’m too sold on my journey, my essence.
And if I am God, the person of me, Grace, the one with the body, the mind, the personality, all of it – all that is part of the expression of the universe.
And I am here to love, to know love, to remember the love I am.
From there, I began to love me.
Although it was not how I had been taught or raised, I easily flowed into it.
The integration was real.
I knew because I KNEW.
I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew.
I knew that loving God, loving others means NOTHING in the lack of awareness of the beauty and wonder and greatness that is ME.
The deficiency of understanding the truth of God is sourced in the deficiency of understanding our worthiness of love – self-love.
To deny our greatness is to have no clue about the greatness of God.
Nothing wrong with it, but to be remiss in responding to our own worthiness with our own love and appreciation is irresponsible to our desire to love God, to serve others.
Once I began to understand and bring it into my life, allow it to take over me, I began to feel fucking brilliant,
fucking ALIVE.
Like I was no longer waiting for an experience, an external message to speak to me.
I was speaking to me every day.
Every day I was speaking to me about my wonder, my truth,
my presence.
I began to see, in seeing myself truly for the first time, the true glory and awesomeness of God, of the universe, of Spirit.
It was no longer a chance thing, to feel that amazing, to be completely blissed out.
It was an every day thing.
The level of gratitude that overflows now makes me smile all day, inwardly and out.
It’s real.
It’s true.
It’s a way of life,
loving self.
And it’s highly fucking spiritual.
Highly fucking imperative to know, to believe, to live.
Because THAT’S truly the place from which we are meant to live.
It’s where we come from, from the heart of the universe.
Loving self is the most powerful thing we can do for this world.
Loving self is the most healing thing we can do for us, and the world.
Loving self is the most fulfilling thing we can do for us.
It changes our lives, it changes our relationships, it changes everything about our existence,
because now our existence is fueled by the intimacy and LIVING of the love that made us.
And that is enough, always.
That is what I choose.
That is what I know.
That is how I live.
It’s how you were meant to live,
on your throne, filling yourself out to the true edges of you.
Your time is now.
Own your spirituality,
stop fucking around with nonsense ideas that things have to be hard,
that you have to pay your dues.
There’s no one out there willing to receive your payment.
I have 2 spots left for a 6-week plunge into the realm of YOU.
Weekly private calls, unlimited access to me via chat.
Each 6-week journey is specially unique, tailored to the spiritual age and journey of the individual.
We open and walk through the doors to the deepest parts of you,
to transmute whatever that blocks love, joy, abundance, power, your full soul-intended life.
Your soul has been calling,
are you here to answer?
I wanna know what you think