I Knew, If I Wanted More, There HAD to BE More

I write from my soul.

I write from my heart.

I write from my soul because I live my soul.

I trust my soul.

I know my soul.

I believe in it.

I know it.

It hasn’t always been like this.

Nope.

It’s been quite different.

It’s been a life of living outside of me, yearning for a fullness I could not quench, satisfy, fill.

I trusted and believed and knew things outside of me that I felt WERE me, WERE who I am, what I’m meant to be.

There was nothing wrong with it.

There still isn’t and there never will be anything wrong with it.

It was just a part of my life, and still is a part of my journey, my historical experiences.

But I desired something more than I had been taught was EVERYTHING,

everything about who I am,

how I’m to be,

the life I’m meant to live.

And as time passed and the hole, the desire, the yearning continued to remain, feeling bigger, deeper, more prominent,

I became dogged that if I WANTED more, there HAD to BE more.

I couldn’t accept that THAT WAS IT.

I couldn’t accept that I was supposed to ACCEPT things as they are, not when I was feeling the way I was feeling.

It’s like I KNEW there was a life BIGGER than anything I’d ever known,

and that life existed as surely as I breathed,

but I didn’t know what it meant to actually LIVE *THAT* life.

I didn’t know what it FELT inside of me.

I didn’t know how my life, my being could even fill out that capacity.

All I knew and believed was THERE WAS MORE,

more than I could sense with my senses,

more than I could comprehend or work towards with my effort.

But the gap between what I desired and the actualy physical life I was living led to depression, loneliness, sadness.

The loneliness wasn’t for human companionship.

It was to know that I was known by the universe, by God.

It was to live in THAT completely and absolutely and fully.

I wanted to know that I knew that I knew that I knew.

I wanted to know more than my body could contain.

I wanted to BE more than my mind could ever create, understand.

I wanted to ACTUALLY LIVE LIFE.

Simply breathing and surviving was not enough.

I wanted to THRIVE.

And I knew the thriving I desired was more than the HAVING of things,

more than the DOING of activities,

more than even the BEING of the person I deeply desired to be.

I struggled living in that gap.

I floundered wondering why I deeply desired things I could not even put a finger on.

And one day, I had a deeply intimate experience, encounter with the divine that opened my eyes to the Truth of me.

It was quite the most beautiful experience I had ever had.

It was majestic, magnificent, and TRUE.

I knew it in my heart of hearts – THIS WAS IT.

It shifted me completely.

But it didn’t do EVERYTHING for me.

Once my eyes opened, I sought the truth with all my heart.

I desired to know it better than anything I had ever known.

Everything I already knew, I threw out the window.

I say that nonchalantly, but it was quite a feat, every day.

Every day, I came up against my conditioning, the ideologies, the beliefs that had structured my life, guided me in how to be, what to do, even what to feel.

Each day, I was given the opportunity to choose.

In every moment, I wasn’t always sure exactly WHAT the other choice was, but it almost didn’t matter.

I was willing to journey into the “darkness”, into the unknown to seek a truth that was sourced from within, a truth that did not fit in with the structure of ME at that time.

I chose my heart, I chose my soul.

I wrestled and debated and pondered and even tried to convince myself of either one way or the other.

At the end of each day, it came down to – Do I believe there’s more? More beyond the boundary of the known?

And I did.

I ventured a little further each time.

There were so many times I was so afraid of losing myself.

I was so afraid my choosing what was coming through, what I felt inspired to open up to, meant I was rejecting a part of me.

It felt like it.

I felt like I was dying somewhere within.

It felt uncomfortable.

It felt painful.

But the discomfort and pain that already characterized my life at the time made it a no brainer.

I was going all the way.

I was jumping, not falling off the cliff.

I was sold.

I chose and I chose and I chose and I chose.

It almost felt like no choice.

It’s like – do you want to breathe?

It’s such an obvious thing, you would never ask that question, but it’s still a choice.

It felt the same.

Did I want to live?

Did I want to live from a new place?

Yes.

Yes and yes and yes and yes.

One hundred times over.

One million times over.

So the choice became clearer, and, in a way, easier.

It was something I just knew HAD TO BE DONE.

For me.

I was no longer available to live a life that was known to me, a comfort that did not fill me up.

I became available only to what was true – to me.

I became available to the present moment and everything it held for me.

I became available to my soul, to life, to God (the one that speaks and shows up daily in a living way), to the universe, to all that is for me.

I chose it every day, like my life depended on it,

because it did.

It’s as simple as choosing.

If you’re not sure where to begin, start with your breath.

As you take that first conscious breath, the sense of relief is an indication of the alignment with your soul, to your truth.

It reminds you of the way you’d been holding your breath, not fully giving into the goodness, the life available and around you at all times.

And more, it drops you deeper into yourself, where you are more susceptible to the quiet whispers and gentle nudges that is your soul.

That’s all it takes to choose yourself.

It begins now.

It begins here.

It begins with you, always.

P.S. If you are one of the ones seeking a deeper fuller life, and you are ready, desiring, inclined to come into your truth, I have limited spots available to work with me 1:1.

Your desire to experience your truth is valid.

And it’s available to you now.

If this work speaks to you, PM me, comment, email me – grace@gracejyk.com

You have already started the inner conversation, your eyes are already open.

It’s now a matter of choosing deeper into it.

I can help with it.

It’s what I’ve done for myself and it’s what I do for others that seek the same.

The structure of the program is 6 weeks, weekly private calls, and unlimited chat access to me throughout for your deeper integration and embodiment of your truth.

Let’s chat if you have any questions or curiosities.

I am available to your evolution.

Love,

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I'm here to be me because I think I'm pretty cool. Walk with me as I explore myself, the world, and everything in between. I also curse a lot.

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