I feel spent.
I feel worthless.
I feel lame.
I feel dumb.
I feel incompetent.
I feel stupid.
I feel frustrated.
I feel stuck.
I feel blah.
And blah and blah and more blah.
I feel what I feel.
I stand by it.
I know it’s not the whole story.
It is what it is.
It feels quite vulnerable to share this because the work I do is about guiding and assisting others to step outside of their stuck and into their true selves…
and here I am.
Feeling all the feels.
It is what it is, isn’t it?
I’ve never been one to not acknowledge myself.
The past years of my inner inward journey has been exactly this.
Being raw-to-the-bone honest about me, where I’m at, what I’m experiencing.
It’s been about looking me in the eyes and laying it out.
Stretching myself bare before God, the universe, Spirit,
nothing to hide,
nothing to hold onto.
It’s the only place I find myself,
the only place I can give myself over to.
Nothing else satisfies, nothing else is enough…
confused at times,
So many times I want to erase what I wrote, knowing that this may be, possibly, probably, yeah – will be shared with the world.
So that people don’t know what another human is going through?
So that I can keep a front that shows I’m strong or resilient or faithful or?
So that I can keep the world at bay?
For whose benefit?
And for what purpose?
I don’t know anymore.
I just know, when I feel any sort of way, I write.
And I find less and less reason to keep it to myself.
Because humanity is real, but society sometimes makes it a sham.
It’s not okay to feel or express a certain way and share certain things.
Who decided what’s okay for humanity?
Who decided what’s acceptable to present?
Who decided that and who bought into it?
When the reality is – our feelings don’t mean anything except that we are ALIVE.
They point to the breath of life, the depth of our aliveness.
And so, I feel all the feels and I can be okay with it.
I know that I am living and alive, breathing and being.
And nothing needs to change in order for me to be okay, thriving, all of me.
Nothing is wrong.
Because emotions are a part of life.
They are a natural normal beautiful part of the human experience, from one end of the spectrum to the other.
And actually, they lead us home.
They lead into the part of us that knows more than the mind knows,
into the part of us that infinitely expands to encapsulate the grandness and beauty and majesty of the universe, of God,
into the part of us that is one with everything,
into the part of us that’s Really who we are.
Our experiences, the whole of it, not just the ones we post on Facebook and IG and Tiktok etc etc etc – they are ALL worthy of us.
They are ALL worthy of our attention and intention to be in it.
I know, it might sound scary to CHOOSE to be in the suck, in the less attractive aspects of our experience.
It feels like if we choose it NOW, we might choose it FOREVER, or it might stick and then what?
But see, that’s the thing.
When we drop into the moment, choose to be with us fully,
with undivided attention, respect, and honor for our experience,
into the heart of us, we tap into that eternal infinite part of us…
the part of us that doesn’t even have to think about our infinite connection and oneness with God,
because that’s all we are, and we’re IN it.
We’re IN the infiniteness.
We’re IN the pure positive energy that created the universe.
The truth is, we ALWAYS are, we ALWAYS were
(how can we not be, if we come from that pure energy)
but because of free will
(which is needed to experience our humanity and divinity all the way through),
it is our CONSCIOUS CHOICE to drop in that actually inspires the experience of connection to our true majestic-ness, our god-ness.
And in THAT place, tell me, what would stand in the way of the full manifestation of truth and glory and grace and love in your heart, your body, your being, and into your life?
From THAT place, would you still need to understand and explain and justify your shitty experiences?
Because in THAT place, you’ve come home.
You’ve come home to all that is you.
It’s not to say that you are escaping and ignoring and neglecting the “real” things in life, the hard moments, the struggle, conflict, etc.
It’s actually those moments that draw us near to our depths, because pain inspires us to reach out and really, reach IN, to understand who we are, why we are here, what we are to do, how we are to live this life.
Those moments are in SERVICE to your alignment with Source, with your SOUL.
Those moments are not contradictions i.e. how can I feel so shitty and how can life be so shitty if I am a perfect soul?
Those moments, if you choose to drop in, reveal to you that even in the midst of all the shittiness, you can EXPERIENTIALLY KNOW your infinite-ness, your massive inconcealable connection with the universe…
that your soul is unconditionally present, unconditionally powerful, unconditionally loving, unconditionally connected with the soul of the universe.
When you do, when you do connect with that part of you, you acknowledge the infinite possibilities that your life is made of and that it’s all a matter of choosing your adventure.
It’s not a magic pill, and it kind of is.
You honor the human experience.
You live in it, be in it, allow yourself the dignity of experiencing what is present for you.
And if you are willing, allow yourself to be ministered to by the grace of the universe in your time of need, pain, struggle.
In that, you chose to connect with the deepest part of you, not known to anyone else in the world, but you.
It will change your life.
It will change how you see yourself, the world, your relationships.
Because you can’t not evolve after coming into contact with pure truth.
P.S. I’m creating something that I can’t wait to share with youuu!
It’s all the things I learned on my journey that I wish someone had told me,
things like what to do when I don’t know what to do lol,
what to do when I feel shitty,
how to move through my shit (i.e. judgment, fear, etc.) quickly,
and more, so much more.
I’m putting it together right now and if you have anything that you’d like to see addressed, let me know!
Or if you’re curious about it, I’d love to know what about it interests you most.