Falling Fully Into Trust in Myself and God

I was in a funk for a few days.

Maybe like several days.

It was nothing crazy, nothing huge, but still a funk.

I wasn’t writing,

wasn’t really feeling the flow, etc etc etc.

I was sifting things over in my mind,

attending to my heart,

listening to my soul,

and moving through my days with relative grace,

while feeling the mild funkiness.

Then today, I felt myself lift out of it.

Or was is that it lifted out of me?

I don’t know and I don’t think it really matters.

But I got a burst of energy and clarity and confidence and groundedness.

I knew what I wanted to do today.

I knew how I wanted to go about it.

I knew what mattered.

I knew I was going to do what mattered today.

I knew it was all enough.

I did some yoga, yay.

I did my journaling, yay.

I spent a lovely nourishing time in the shower, yay.

I listened to an uplifting video while I put on lotion, yay.

All the yays.

And then, I could hear a quiet voice within…

‘Don’t get too excited about being out of the funk…

you never know when you’ll feel it again…

and then you’ll feel like a fool.

So don’t fall too deep into it.

Ride the surface just a little.

Enjoy it, just a little.

It will only last a little bit.’

Such a familiar voice.

Such a blech taste.

Have you ever felt that or heard something like that?

I have.

All throughout my life, I’ve played footsie with the voice of distrust.

The distrust of my commitment to myself, to my life,

the distrust of my will,

the distrust of my true voice,

of my feelings,

my flow,

my soul,

my heart,

of me.

In my life, I don’t think there’s been anything as consistent as my fear of disappointing myself,

fear of failing my personal commitments,

breaking my resolve.

I listened to that voice, I heard it.

I heard the intention,

the desire to protect me from the ever-sinking feeling of disappointment, not meeting the mark, finding out that everything I had felt was just a sham.

I accepted that there was a reason for it, and it was not good enough today.

Because in this moment, all I want to do is give myself the benefit of the doubt.

It wasn’t about solidifying my resolve,

committing to commitment,

declaring war against resistance and negativity and whatever.

I just wanted to give myself free reign to run free,

run rampant,

run relentlessly

and foolishly, even,

into the heart of myself, the heart of God and the universe.

I wanted to give in to the ever renewing belief and love of myself, in myself.

I wanted to fly unfettered into the sky of possibilities,

the infinite space of compassion and dreams and ideas and creativity.

I wanted to just let myself BE.

BE right here, right now.

Feeling all the feels,

being all the me,

flowing all the flow.

So I heard the voice, acknowledged it, thanked it, and folded it away…

letting myself go into full trust of myself.

Knowing that the next moment, it might all fall,

crumble to dust before it ever even got a chance to materialize into the physical world,

knowing that I don’t know what the next moment holds,

where it will take me,

where I will take it…

knowing that I don’t know,

and I never will.

I chose to fall into what felt like nothingness,

to lean into the beautiful energy and flow I felt after days of feeling less than, insignificant, etc.

Choosing to trust me,

deeply,

freely,

without regard for the past,

without fear of the future,

in full surrender,

I could feel myself falling into grace, flowing with the lovingkindness of the universe.

It was everything.

I knew it was more important in that moment, to let myself flow in the direction of my energy as it came up than to understand and hedge against a potential downfall.

And that is my message for you today, if you are open to it:

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, however you feel, it is safe to trust yourself.

It is safe to trust your heart, your desires.

It is safe to play and live life like a child,

with new eyes,

new perception about anything and everything.

It is safe to believe in something new or something old,

whatever that touches your heart, that awakens you to a deeper sense of yourself, of God, of the magnificent cosmos within.

It is safe to trust.

It is always time to trust, to believe, to love all of you.

I have not done this in a while –

if you are interested, curious, desirous of connecting with your True Self,

creating space to know You,

and learning experientially to flow with Your unique flow, Your unique godness,

I invite you to work with me 1:1.

The work we do may seem subtle, but it touches all parts of your life;

every part of your life is a reflection of your relationship with the deepest part of who you are.

The ability to listen within, receive, and move from that place affects your relationships, your physical appearance and health, your self-worth, your purpose, your finances.

It’s all yours for the taking.

That soul part of you has always been present.

I simply walk with you in learning to walk with your soul in this beautiful journey called your life.

If this makes sense to you, in a deeper place than your logic, comment or email me: grace@gracejyk.com.

I can’t wait.

x,

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I'm here to be me because I think I'm pretty cool. Walk with me as I explore myself, the world, and everything in between. I also curse a lot.

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