Sometimes, I’m hard on myself.
Do you do that to yourself too sometimes?
Especially when it comes to my inner work, the inner journey, the evolution of my human, my spirituality I guess you can say, I can be quite dogged, relentless, etc.
Ever since my awakening in 2008, I’ve considered my faith – not in a particular god or religion, but my belief about life, myself, etc – my priority.
It drove a lot of my decisions in how I spent my time, where I spent my time, who I invested in, how I be’ed with myself, etc.
Basically, it was my whole life.
Yes, I went to school and worked and everything else.
I did function like a fairly normal human being.
But I was so focused on understanding and knowing what was within me.
Any triggers or emotional moments were immediately looked at, turned over in my mind and heart;
any challenging situation was discussed with God and eventually surrendered;
any unrest in my spirit was attended to.
My desire was to live a life of integrity, faith, personal power.
And I have arrived at that place, to a degree, today.
I also realize that…
there is a flow bigger than me.
There is something greater, higher, deeper, huge-r than me and my intentions,
than me and my desires for the Good, the Better, the More.
There is a flow that already knows me, my heart, my soul…
because I and everything about me *comes* from that place, comes from that flow.
I am not just the experience-r of Infinite Intelligence;
I am CREATED in Infinite Intelligence.
It runs IN me,
in my blood,
lives in every cell, organ, molecule of me.
My mind and consciousness are not the whole story.
And they don’t tell the whole story.
They play a significant part, because of free will.
I decide, with my mind and heart, with my human-ness where I want to go, who I want to be, what I want to do…
but there is something even deeper, that is unspeakable, invisible, unconditionally Good and True that is truly running the show.
My choice to be a part of it is all that’s required to be in that flow.
In that place, I don’t need to worry about or think about or be anxious about my inner journey, or even who I’m becoming or how I’m becoming what I want.
I don’t need to think about whether all the things that want to be healed are being healed.
Or that I’m on path
or that I’m off path
or that I’m manifesting correctly
or that I have an abundance mindset (that phrase makes me laugh for some reason…)
or that I am attracting all the thing I want in life.
The flow, or should I say, the Flow is already here.
It has already always been here.
It needs no introduction,
it requires no understanding of it,
just that it’s Here, it’s Real, and it’s Good.
Oh, and it’s FULL of Love.
In it is the universe’s intention to meet me where I’m at, and beyond.
In it is God’s desires and unconditional generosity to bless me, to shower me with beauty, peace, joy, fun, love, alllllllll the things.
In it is the truth of who I am, beyond the labels, roles, ideas.
I don’t need to do anything, really.
It’s simply to acknowlege that I’m in the river of Life,
that it’s all around me,
that it has pure benevolent intentions towards me and my life,
that it will have its will and way, just by me being aware of and leaning into its goodness.
There are no requisites, no hurdles to jump, no obstacles to deal with.
There’s just faith.
There’s the belief that the way our lives turn and move and flow is within the Great Flow of Life.
That we are in it.
We are flowing with it right now.
Anything that comes up that wants to resist it is exactly what we are here to look at, heal, etc.
But we don’t need to go looking for our shit, our fears, our anxieties,
we don’t need to go looking for our healing…
We are here to be free.
We are here to live in freedom, create beautiful things, do things that we truly deeply give a shit about, and also do things we do just because why not?!
We are here to know God, know ourselves, whatever that means, whatever feels like peace and oneness with the universe.
We are here to do all the things, to be happy, to sing and dance just as we are.
The journey is the river, the river is the journey.
However which way we look at it, we are in the journey, we are in the river.
And it is headed to goodness, to thriving.
It is safe to release ourselves into the hands of the universe, into the hands of the Life Force, the Great Flow.
It takes us where we are meant to go, always.
Whether we are worrying our way through, trying to wade through the mud in order to overturn each rock we step on,
or whether we let ourselves float along, basking in the sun and life-giving air hugging and kissing our bodies,
we are on our way.
We need only say yes.
The Great Flow’s answer is always Yes.