This morning, I had some thoughts of
‘I’m not ‘getting it”
‘Wtf am I doing with my life’
‘Am I on track?…”
‘She/he is doing what I want to do, so well. What’s up with me?’
‘What am I doing wrong?’
Stuff like that.
You ever think like that?
I felt super blahhhhh blah blahhh.
And a little lost.
I let myself go into it all.
I let myself be.
I’ve come down this lane before.
There’s no fighting it.
There’s no need to.
And actually, the more I fight it,
the more I validate the place from which I think those things.
So, I just let myself go.
I put on some music I wanted to hear.
Stood outside, smoking a cigarette, feeling the sprinkle of the mist and drizzle, the sky cloudy and opaque above.
One of the refrains of the song I was listening to:
‘Freedom reigns in this place’
I could feel myself responding to it.
Hearing it, receiving it.
I am me.
It is enough.
The me that is living this life, she’s enough.
The way she is, what she’s about, how she does life, it’s all perfect.
There’s not another person to compare to.
There’s just me.
Me with me with me with God with me with universe with Source with me.
Me with me.
It wasn’t about NOT comparing myself to others.
Not even really about feeling better about myself, or feeling better in general.
It was just remembering.
Remembering that I’m here.
This is my life.
And my life flows from this unique expression of me.
As cheesy as it sounds,
only I can live my life.
Only I can live it the way I’m meant to live.
Only I can do with my life what it was given to me for.
All of me.
And it’s enough.
There are no end-images for me to match up to.
There are no destinations for me to arrive at, except coming home to me, every time, all the time.
There are no standards, no rules, no protocol to achieve, meet, exceed.
Me and who I really am
Me and how I want to do life
Me and my desires
Me and my path
Me and my journey
Me and my evolution
Me and my expansion
Me and my healing
Me and my freedom
Me and my expression
Me and the Life vested in Me, in this body, this mind, this heart, this soul
Me, specifically ordained to live this life as it flows from me, as I choose it, as I direct it.
This is a lesson I learn again and again and again.
It’s a deeper remembering, each time.
I’m gonna say, it’s safe to say that I’ll keep learning and relearning it, from different angles, different perspectives, different experiences.
And it all leads to Me.
To my heart, my soul.
And every time I come home, I drop into a flow, a knowing, a presence within,
where all I see is me.
All I know is me.
All I know is my world, as I see it.
All I see is me, as I am.
There’s a level of compassion that always accompanies these rememberings.
Compassion for the part of me that has operated in the past under false understandings that I need to strive to be, do, have the things I want in life,
compassion for the misunderstanding that I am not enough,
compassion for the part of me that bought into the idea that it is not fully truly good to be all of me,
to want what I want,
to do how I do.
Compassion for the part of me that feels incapable, inept, inadequate.
Compassion for the part of me that feels abandoned to do life alone.
Compassion for the part of me that wants so desperately to believe that I am cared for, taken care of, loved so deeply, beyond my fears, my anxieties, my perceived shortcomings.
Compassion for me.
Compassion for my journey.
Compassion for who I am, and who I choose to be.
Compassion for where I am, and where I want to go.
Compassion for the part of me that doesn’t see all of me, all of my glory, all of my magnificence and majesty.
Compassion for the part of me that seeks to know the thing that already lives inside me.
So much compassion.
So much feeling for me,
wanting to give myself the space and honor and grace to be me,
to have my space,
to love me, in my time.
And so, I give myself what I want, what I need.
All the cheesy squishy things that I know now is the birthplace of who I am, who I truly am.
This space is where I go, where I receive the gift of me.
And when I receive it deep into me,
the subtle deep remembering of my perfect soul, my perfect expression, my perfect being-ness trembles with the awesomeness,
the craziness of it all,
of what it means to be me,
what it means to live This life.
It is enough.
Coming home to me, it is always enough.
It is everything.
There is a place beyond the ideas and learnings and conditioning we took on,
the standards and walls we constructed around ourselves,
the rules of Life we attempt to align with so we can feel okay.
There is a place beyond just feeling okay with Self and Life.
That place is your heart, embedded in the heart of God,
flowing with the soul of the universe,
covered in the love of Source,
designed by Infinite Intelligence.
You feel me?