progress

here’s a real-life example of what progress looks like

my mom called me the other day

she said someone she knows, who i know as well, reached out to her saying that she wants to introduce me to a guy

for the purposes of romance, dating, relationship, marriage, etc

lol

i busted out laughing when i heard that

i always do when i hear about such ‘opportunities’

b/c usually, the people trying to set me up with guys are traditional Korean immigrants

and the guys they want to set me up with are tradtionally-raised men who probably have no game with women, hence the setup.

b/c also, they have no idea who i am, what i’m about, etc.

if they did, they probably would not bother to inquire in the first place.

maybe i’m a little ambitious in saying this, but i think i would be a nightmare of a setup in this context.

so anyway, back to the bit about progress –

then my mom said that she responded to the inquiry by saying,

my daughter is in a same-sex relationship so she probably will not be interested.

i was honestly floored.

there’s so much behind this, for me.

1. she acknowledged that i’m in a relationship.

although it’s not technically ‘same-sex’ right now (it was, when we started),

the fact that she acknowledged my non-traditional relationship at all is everything.

2. she considered my current relationship reason enough to decline the request.

she could have acknowledged the relationship and STILL approached me with, ‘so you wanna try this out?’

but she didn’t.

she actually tried to justify to the lady that i was not interested b/c i’m in a relationship,

which indicates to me that she considers the relationship valid, to a degree.

3. she acknowledged my relationship to ANOTHER PERSON IN HER SPACE.

like whaaaaaaat

in the beginning, she had chastised me for sharing about my relationship in social media.

she wanted me to keep it quiet “in case i change my mind”.

i could feel her anxiety about people in her social circle and family finding out about this calamity.

but a few days ago, she told someone she knows about the situation.

she didn’t try to be coy and play off that i’m just not available or not interested.

she let someone in on something she had wanted me to keep under covers.

—–

you feel me tho?

in our phone call, she still asked if there was any possibility that i’d be interested in meeting him, just to see what he’s like

which made me laugh.

she said that her friend was very insistent that my mom still ask me lol

and whether my mom was playing a game about not wanting to make it seem like it’s her choice to approach me or not

doesn’t take away from the 3 points up there ^

and even though my mom still said that maybe if i meet him or any other guy, i could fall in love with the guy and leave Soul,

(LOL)

it doesn’t take away from the fact that she admitted my current relationship to another human being.

and even though she still says that she prays for me to ‘come back to God’ and for me to go to heaven,

it doesn’t take away from the fact that this is progress.

progress that i’m not pushing or pulling,

progress that i don’t even really think about or concern myself with.

progress that, to me, is most natural and effortless, and always in the direction of Love, freedom, happiness, etc etc etc.

of COURSE she sees and will see things differently over the course of LIFE.

how can she not?

Life is happening all around.

i’ve already chosen into and am riding my flow of life and that includes Soul integrating with my family.

the timing doesn’t matter,

how it happens doesn’t matter,

how long it takes doesn’t matter.

none of that matters.

what matters is that i’m good with me.

and in that, i’m good with Soul,

and i’m good with my mom,

and how she sees things,

her process, journey, and evolution.

what matters is that i know i get to choose what my life is

and i choose it.

daily.

what matters is that i am free today

because i choose it.

because i’ve chosen it

and i keep choosing it.

lots of choosing here, you see lol.

that’s all it ever is, isn’t it.

my mom is an amazing person.

she really is.

and even if she didn’t display any sort of ‘progress’,

my love for her, my regard for her, my respect for her doesn’t change.

b/c i know with all of my heart,

we are walking each other home,

all the time,

every time.