Walking from the parking lot to the office this morning, I suddenly felt the fullness of the moment
Sounds cheesy, right?
I totally felt cheesy
Looking up at the buildings, I didn’t realize that I would realize what this moment held until I was in it
I didn’t think about what it really meant to leave, to start something new
I didn’t realize I would feel so deeply into it
Which is funny because… I feel deeply into pretty much everything lol
I realized I would not be making this walk again for a very long time, if ever
I realized I had walked this way many times without thinking about the fact that these walks were numbered
I realized, even though I don’t remember the circumstances, all the happenings of my life surrounding each time I made that walk, I can feel the fullness of life that was always present then and here, now
When asked how I feel about the new job and about leaving my current one, I’ve responded with a customary ‘it’s bittersweet’
But as I walked from the parking lot, into the open air, under the still dark morning sky, tracing my steps, I realize, it’s simply sweet.
The whole thing
To sleepless nights
To team hangouts
To amazing food (curated by my Managing Director lol)
To meaningful conversations
And even more meaningful and lasting relationships
To the laughter, the hilarity of life in the workplace and out,
To the grandness of it all,
The grandness and wonder of Life that can’t be barred or extracted from corporate life
The sweetness of it all, is not really in the grandness, because the grandness is always there
Life is Grand, period.
That’s just what it is, how it does, wherever we go, whatever we do
The sweetness is to see the person I have become, to allow for the full ass experience of all of Life, in this moment and era of my life
The sweetness is about my choosing to know myself, to be myself, to love myself, to back myself in all aspects of this part of my journey,
Which speaks so loudly to me because I once condemned myself for being a ‘corporate sellout’ hahhaa
I thought that there couldn’t possibly be Real Life in a J O B
I thought there couldn’t possibly be Truth and Freedom in having a paycheck
I thought there couldn’t be space for full self-expression and Joy in having a career
Now, I realize, I didn’t know shit
The sweetness comes from observing that I have become the person who maintained – and still maintains, let’s be clear here lol – a corporate job, advanced in her career and professionalism while fully immersed in her deeper journey and healing
The sweetness comes from observing the way I have integrated my job into my life fully, seamlessly, such that no part of me really contradicts any other part of me
You get me?
The sweetness also comes from realizing that, in my surrender, I’ve allowed Life to show itself to me as it really is
And it is so goddamn sweet
It is so relentlessly True and Good and Pure and Perfect
It really really really really really really so really is so so so so so so so Good.
I am so deeply humbled that this is my experience
And so gatdamn confident that, yes, this is the life * I * created
It feels… unequivocable to any other moment of my life (really tho, is there any moment that is the same as any other moment? Lol)
My freaking heart.
Yay All That Is