
Road rage is a daily part of my life
Well maybe not daily
Since I don’t drive every day
But you get what I mean
Curse words pop out of my mouth as easy as breathing
Judgements about others not using their blinkers
Or driving just over speed limit in the left lane
Or hesitating when merging into “my” lane
Stuff like that
Those moments would lead me to feel… dirty,
Unworthy of having any negative l thoughts toward another,
Ashamed that I’m so crude and angry and frustrated,
Etc etc etc
Surely, my outbursts meant I have so much to process, heal, release, reckon
Surely, my evolution is cut short, held back, regressed when I’m not living in the freedom of bliss and love and mercy and never ending patience
Surely, I’m just as fucked up as the unconscious
Surely surely surely
And yet
I realized today,
Of course, while driving – where and when else would I have had such a realization lol –
That maybe it’s not so much about not having or expressing or experiencing road rage
As it is about seeing myself as a love looking for its way,
As a being worthy of the utmost compassion and kindness,
As a person who is just… doing life the best she can.
To me, that manifests as being comfortable and wildly generous with the part of me that delights in throwing the middle finger at a neighbor driver
Although, I use the middle finger a lot less than the f word
It manifests as feeling neutral about the rage, the ultimate annoyance, the excruciating offense I feel many time behind the wheel
It manifests as even lighthearted humor that I feel the way I feel,
Not in mockery – lord knows I’ve done that so many times,
But just, a light laughter of “lol grace, I see you”
And letting that be what it is
Without feeling like I need to process anything
Heal anything
Be delivered of anything
I yam what I yam
And that is a beautiful thing
And perhaps I’m not really here to be the best version of myself,
The most enlightened and blissed out Grace
Perhaps I’m here to simply live,
Breathe in the fullest
Deepest
Breath of air
Available to me
That I am available to
And call it a day
Because that in itself is just so grand.
When I do that, I feel like… this is exactly as it’s meant to be
It’s almost like….
I came here
To
Do
Ex
Act
Ly
This.
Ya feel?
Damn. Life is so good.
So delicious
So easy
So free
So for me
And me for it
And what about the road rage?
Well, what about it?
Ha.
I wanna know what you think