road ragin 4eva

Road rage is a daily part of my life

Well maybe not daily

Since I don’t drive every day

But you get what I mean

Curse words pop out of my mouth as easy as breathing

Judgements about others not using their blinkers

Or driving just over speed limit in the left lane

Or hesitating when merging into “my” lane

Stuff like that

Those moments would lead me to feel… dirty,

Unworthy of having any negative l thoughts toward another,

Ashamed that I’m so crude and angry and frustrated,

Etc etc etc

Surely, my outbursts meant I have so much to process, heal, release, reckon

Surely, my evolution is cut short, held back, regressed when I’m not living in the freedom of bliss and love and mercy and never ending patience

Surely, I’m just as fucked up as the unconscious

Surely surely surely

And yet

I realized today,

Of course, while driving – where and when else would I have had such a realization lol –

That maybe it’s not so much about not having or expressing or experiencing road rage

As it is about seeing myself as a love looking for its way,

As a being worthy of the utmost compassion and kindness,

As a person who is just… doing life the best she can.

To me, that manifests as being comfortable and wildly generous with the part of me that delights in throwing the middle finger at a neighbor driver

Although, I use the middle finger a lot less than the f word

It manifests as feeling neutral about the rage, the ultimate annoyance, the excruciating offense I feel many time behind the wheel

It manifests as even lighthearted humor that I feel the way I feel,

Not in mockery – lord knows I’ve done that so many times,

But just, a light laughter of “lol grace, I see you”

And letting that be what it is

Without feeling like I need to process anything

Heal anything

Be delivered of anything

I yam what I yam

And that is a beautiful thing

And perhaps I’m not really here to be the best version of myself,

The most enlightened and blissed out Grace

Perhaps I’m here to simply live,

Breathe in the fullest

Deepest

Breath of air

Available to me

That I am available to

And call it a day

Because that in itself is just so grand.

When I do that, I feel like… this is exactly as it’s meant to be

It’s almost like….

I came here

To

Do

Ex

Act

Ly

This.

Ya feel?

Damn. Life is so good.

So delicious

So easy

So free

So for me

And me for it

And what about the road rage?

Well, what about it?

Ha.