just one

healing takes one person

it takes one person to heal

if you read what i write regularly, you know what i mean

not that i write regularly

but that you read what i write when i write

whenever that happens to be lol

anyway

it’s quite a wonderful thing,

that it takes one person to heal

but also, sometimes a lonely thing,

especially since many of the things we hurt from involve other people

especially since many of the things we remember with pain and loss are the things we endured, cried about (still cry about), curled up in a ball about…

have to do with others,

what they said,

what they did,

how they were…

and to think our freedom lies on a side where they aren’t,

to think that my wholeness exists in a dimension that they don’t comprehend nor care to comprehend…

it can seem a little lonely, a little forlorn, a little futile.

but on the other end of that…

if my freedom really did not have anything to do with them…

then i really already am free…

there really is no condition necessary on their part in order for me to be me..

that i have all the conditions necessary right this moment to be the whole of me..

and it’s really just a question of how far i want to go into me,

how much of me i actually want to see,

the real me,

the one that needs no reasons for being,

the one that stands on no reasons for doing anything…

the one that is for the sake of being,

the one whose stories are created anew every day from curiosity,

from love,

from presence,

from joy,

from wonder and awe..

what a concept to come home to

what a truth

downright life-changing

world-shifting

soul-expanding

heart-opening

all the things

all the goodness

available to me

right this moment

watching for my cue

my direction

my desire

ready to reflect the truth within

with not a thought given to anyone around me,

the one living this life

with not a consideration toward all the things around me,

the conditions,

the rules,

the guidelines,

the unspoken laws

just me

and my soul

me and

my heart

held, just so,

by the universe,

by the world,

by love.

just the way i always wanted

just the way i never imagined was possible for me

just the way i dreamed of

just the way

just so

for me

by me

of me.

freedom really is real

it really is free

hilarious to think that i once wanted others to pay for my freedom,

pay for their crimes,

their trespasses,

their sick intentions

their ignorance…

when all i had to do was look into the mirror

and see the whole wide ass universe staring back at me

daring me to desire,

to want

to yearn for what was always mine,

what was already mine.

to dissolve my ideas of right and wrong,

cause and effect,

judgments and punishment…

and thank god for that, no?

otherwise i’d live and die a thousand deaths in hell myself.

and then i’d really hate that people are held accountable for other people’s experiences and healing lol.

nice perspective switch.

anyway.

life and love and healing, all of it and in between, are wonderful the way they are.

the things that don’t make sense from a filter of sadness, grief, pain… make sense in their entirety, if we would give ourselves the chance to even dream of our wholeness.

toodles.