i had lunch with a new friend
somewhere along the conversation, she shared with me that she respects her dad so much,
that she looks up to him to most out of everyone she knows
i smiled, my heart warmed
i responded “that is so beautiful to hear…”
and i could hear the habit within continue,
“… especially because my relationship with my dad is very different…”
i was so used to bringing in my story,
sharing it as a way to relate, compare, have a voice.
and i realized in that moment, i didn’t want to or need to follow the groove i’d grooved on for so long.
it’s beautiful to hear.
it felt easy and familiar to let it go…
like watching a leaf drift away in a stream,
moving along freely and agendaless-ly…
me just watching it disappear behind the bend,
having enjoyed the leaf while it lasted in my experience and
just as happy to allow it along its way…
as i gave my attention to the water flowing around me, right next to me.
that leaf, that memory has passed
it was and is a beautiful thing in itself
and there’s so much more beauty right where i’m at
so much more freedom right here, feeling into the present moment,
seeing what is coming through me in this moment,
so much fullness that there is nothing to seek after outside of this moment.
and appreciative for this life experience
for every part of it
for every inch of it
every mile of it
to have lived so fully into all of it,
all the pain and the love
the sad and the joy
the fear and the freedom
to hold all of it in my hands, my heart, my soul
to breathe it all in
and let it all out
out into the air of the universe
who breathes it in fully
and transmutes it into love,
this is feeling a little cheesy now
it’s just a cheesy little moment of mine
to feel so wonderful about feeling wonderful enough,
enough to feel wonderful for the sake of feeling wonderful.
cheers to life
cheers to love
cheers to healing and everything that calls it forth
cheers to this moment and its neverending fullness.
cheers, motherfuckers, cheers.