cheers

i had lunch with a new friend

somewhere along the conversation, she shared with me that she respects her dad so much,

that she looks up to him to most out of everyone she knows

i smiled, my heart warmed

i responded “that is so beautiful to hear…”

and i could hear the habit within continue,

“… especially because my relationship with my dad is very different…”

i was so used to bringing in my story,

sharing it as a way to relate, compare, have a voice.

and i realized in that moment, i didn’t want to or need to follow the groove i’d grooved on for so long.

it’s beautiful to hear. 

period.

it felt easy and familiar to let it go…

like watching a leaf drift away in a stream,

moving along freely and agendaless-ly…

me just watching it disappear behind the bend,

having enjoyed the leaf while it lasted in my experience and

just as happy to allow it along its way…

as i gave my attention to the water flowing around me, right next to me.

that leaf, that memory has passed

it was and is a beautiful thing in itself

and there’s so much more beauty right where i’m at

so much more freedom right here, feeling into the present moment, 

seeing what is coming through me in this moment, 

this breath,

so much fullness that there is nothing to seek after outside of this moment.

i’m grateful

eternally grateful

and appreciative for this life experience

for every part of it

for every inch of it

every mile of it

to have lived so fully into all of it,

all the pain and the love

the sad and the joy

the fear and the freedom

to hold all of it in my hands, my heart, my soul

to breathe it all in

and let it all out

out into the air of the universe

who breathes it in fully

and transmutes it into love,

only love

always love

just love.

this is feeling a little cheesy now

it’s just a cheesy little moment of mine

to feel so wonderful about feeling wonderful enough,

enough to feel wonderful for the sake of feeling wonderful.

heehee

cheers to life

cheers to love

cheers to healing and everything that calls it forth

cheers to this moment and its neverending fullness.

cheers, motherfuckers, cheers.