sweet release

releasing always feels good

you know what doesn’t feel good right up to it happening?

releasing lol

in those moments, it’s always so… tumultuous

tormenting

torturous

all the t-words

and then when i finally let go

let in

let out

let all

…

more t-words

it’s torrential

okay i couldn’t think of more t-words to relate with releasing loll

but it’s an outpouring

so sweet

so full

so everything in that moment.

ooh,

it’s tender.

there we go.

transformational

here we go

trailblazing

ooh, this one’s softer, and maybe a little dramatic but…

thunderous

you know what i mean?

i mean in the moment, whatever is being released is the ONLY thing on my mind

fuck everything else

and i can see,

truly deeply completely

see feel hear receive

the truth that has always been

is

and always will be

letting it wash over me

is a drug

a feeling of utmost bliss,

utmost presence

utmost holiness,

coming in direct touch with energy from which we all come from

the thing i find so sweet and frustrating…

is that it happens in its own time,

in my own time

when i am fully ready

usually when i’m at my wit’s end

on the ledge, ready to let go

actually, only the second i let go of the ledge, 

does the release flow through…

interesting, as i think back to everything i wrote,

how…

similar it is an orgasm lol

they are all releases in the end

starting from a place of desire

building onto itself from friction

climbing into anticipation

climaxing into unknowingness

a sense of freedom

relinquishment

goodness

settling into the silence

the void that was filled with feeling

so much feeling

my god

no wonder i love crying

no wonder i welcome the release

no wonder i don’t even try to hold back

it’s inevitable

if i agreed to be on this journey,

it’s going to happen.

and at this point, i usher it in

there’s nothing else to do

there’s so much goodness on the other side of it,

so much goodness surging forth from within

and it’s my absolutely pleasure,

privilege,

right

to indulge in all that is me

all that is in me

and more.

life is sweet.