life as me

when i was younger

i fell in love with snapshots of life

when life was good

or rather, when i perceived life to be good

moments where i felt full

loved

connected

seen

admired

preferred

chosen

pursued

moments when life seemed to be going for me

or rather what i perceived to be life to be going for me

the other moments,

the ones where i felt lonely

alone

grieved

disappointed

hurt

sad

abandoned

rejected

disregarded

discarded

those, i tried to stash away

in a box

in a corner

in an abyss

of my mind

my heart

and

my soul

i thought that if i could forget those

and do my best to structure life and myself

in a way that minimized

reduced

eliminated

dissolved those snapshots,

i would create more of the better ones

or rather, the ones i perceived to be better

today,

having lived through more moons,

more seasons,

more breaths,

more heartbeats,

i see that life is less than a series of snapshots to file here or there,

and more and more,

a friend that sits with me

seeing me through my tears

rolling on the ground with me in my laughter

hand in hand through those anxious moments

the fearful moments

the lost moments

smiling with me in the sweet moments

surprising me in the mundane ones

breathing deeply with me in the full ones

life is not about taking the good with the bad

or the bad with the good

life is the with

life is in the between

between the breaths

each heartbeat

between the ebb turning into the flow

the flow into the ebb

the fear transmuting into love

the love being forgotten

and being sought after

and leaned into

life is in the moments between unknowing and knowing

the moments between here and there

there and here

life is in the yearning and the fulfillment

and everything in between

life is the goodness of the breath itself

the remembering of the goodness of the breath itself

life is breathing with me

and i don’t need to seek goodness

goodness is already seeking me

it flows in me

my veins

my blood

my entirety

life is in the presencing myself to myself

and in that, to life

life yearns for me

and sits quietly

as i realize, in my yearning,

i am the expression of life itself

as i realize, in this breath,

i am full

i am complete

i am whole

i am seen

i am everything

everything is me

exactly me

life is the friend that sits at the table with me

sifting through snapshots

delighting in the beauty of the evolution

evolution of choices,

decisions,

ways of being,

perceptions.

no snapshot better than any others

worse than any one.

even better,

life is the friend that stands with me

in me

of me

for me

seeing the world through me

interested

eager

desirous

expectant

of the desires i hold close to me

sending them to the edges of the universe

to return to me in full.

life is the friend that reminds me of possibility

of who i am

of what i am

of where i am

from which, i remember

i am the experience of life,

inexplicably

endlessly

perfectly.

me.

every time

all the time

only always

me.