i picked up C on a weekday afternoon from a bar in venice beach
he was leaving a group of friends who wanted to get crazier than he wanted to on a weekday evening
it was a really short ride, but the convo was pretty full
we got onto the topic of work — which the convo typically goes there because i’m generally pretty curious about what ppl do
he said he’s a sportswriter
i asked, ‘what’s the ultimate vision for yourself? what do you want to be doing ideally?’
he said, ‘i’m living it.
i write about sports, it’s something i’ve loved all my life,
and now i get to talk and write about it for a living.
i live by the beach.
i’m living my dream.’
yassssss — i hyped him upppp.
then, i don’t remember how the convo turned this way, but we ended up talking about romantic relationships
and how he wanted to be in a committed relationship
he mentioned briefly that he had been engaged and it fell through (at the last minute?)
it sounded like the other person wasn’t ready
or something like that
i felt / heard sadness and grief, moreso in his voice and tone than the words themselves
he then said he’s now seeing a girl that he’s hoping it’ll work out with
i could hear hopefulness, but also, a part that felt sad and hurt, and maybe afraid to hope and desire
i felt excited for him
because we’re all just life-ing
living each breath
desiring our desires
taking each step
not knowing what’s ahead
but trusting our desires enough to keep going
and sometimes, we don’t want to move forward
and that’s okay
sometimes, we feel the hurt and the fear and think that it’s better to stay hidden, still, desiring perpetually
but i think somewhere in us, we know and want to know that our hearts are worth listening to and feeling
and we don’t have to know everything in order to be okay
just this moment
and the next moment that’s becoming this moment
life is beautiful
it can feel like a lot
but it’s really simple
feel the feels
all the way
don’t stop til they run their course
the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness
all of it
let it come through
because there’s nothing else to do with them
and let your heart do what it does,
you would be surprised,
as i have been time and again.
i would drive C again.
C – do you boo. all the way.