Believing Beyond Feeling

I woke up this morning feeling groggy. Out of it. Blah. Bleh. Meh. I couldn’t get a foothold on myself, my center. It felt like I had no energy, no vision. I couldn’t see beyond the funk. And I wanted beyond the funk. I wanted to feel the energy I know I am, the energy […]

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I Don’t Need to Take Care of the Middle, The Problem, the How

I have this tapestry. My best friend, Stef, gifted it to me for my birthday. It’s a picture of the beach, right by the edge of the shore, with a million dollar view of the sun setting? rising? near the horizon. I love it. She (Stef) gets me. Out of all the objects I have […]

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What Does Absolute Trust Look Like?

Pulled from my journal this morning. Everything is in caps because that’s exactly how I wrote it lol. Enjoy! I’M RELAXED AND RELAXING ALL THE TIME. I KNOW EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME. I KNOW MY DESIRES ARE WORTHY OF ME AND I AM WORTHY OF MY DESIRES I WALK IN CONFIDENCE KNOWING THAT […]

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The Micro-(r)evolution

I did a Facebook live earlier this morning about how all it takes to get from our HERE reality to our THERE desired reality, is… Faith. Damnit though. Why does it have to be so wispy, so intangible? Faith is for the spiritual, the woo-woo, the devout, the religious. No, you fool. Faith is for […]

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Blissed the Fuck Out

From the pages of my journal: riffing on the life I’m living and creating. I felt some kind of way sharing this. It feels super vulnerable, super too much, super just out there. But at the same time, why not? Why not bare it all? What is the difference between sharing the depths of my […]

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Time to play in my sandbox

I’ve spent a lot of life playing in other people’s sandboxes. Other ideologies. Other perspectives. Other’s desires. Other’s thoughts. Other’s values. Not that I took them on as my own. But I’ve spent a lot of life considering them, turning them over in my hands, my mind, my heart, deciding whether I would like to […]

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I Am Willing

I am willing to see. I am willing to see things differently. I am willing to align with my Highest Self. I am willing to evolve. I am willing to expand, to encompass new dimensions, to integrate new eternal truths. I am willing to go all in on me. I am willing to believe and […]

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I am about Me

When I was a wee freshmen in high school, I made it a routine to buy a bagel and cream cheese, take it to the gym locker room (I had first period PE), and eat breakfast with a friend. It had been clearly communicated that there was to be no eating in the locker room. […]

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The only version: Me

There is only one version of me. I am the only me that ever was, is, and will be. So, who or what can tell me who or what I am? Who defines what is good or right or best for me? I have lived long enough – I would almost say too long, but […]

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Gratitude and me

Gratitude. I feel gratitude. It feels like fullness. Like the vessel of me, my physical body, the container of my thoughts, the essence of my being is FULL, touching, pushing against the edges of who and what I am. It doesn’t matter what I’m grateful for. There’s a knowing that the logic, the thoughts, the […]

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Love, a horrible thing

Love is a scary thing. Don’t do it. The risk is too big. The fall too hard. Love is a horrible thing. It makes you do weird things. Crazy things. Stupid things. It makes you become someone new. You stop knowing who you are. Sometimes people don’t recognize you anymore. Love is a terrible thing. […]

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A heart full of fuck yous

I woke up yesterday to annoyance frustration blah-ness fuck yous. I could sort of identify where it was coming from. But I could feel it more. I could feel more of the suffocation, the fuckedness, more than I could think about it. The past decade has been spent going inward, leaning into my heart, the […]

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Leaving

I recently moved out. Like last week. I am 30 years old. And this is the first time leaving my parents’ home. Like really leaving home. Not staying weekdays at university. Not studying abroad. Leaving home. Driving last Friday night with my car packed, I felt emotions. Lots of them. I felt tears but I […]

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Some morning words

I’m not sure what it is I want to write, what wants to flow. I guess I’d like to start off with: I am in love with this life. Enamored. Captivated. Over the moon. This is the best thing that’s happened to me, and it keeps happening. Every day. Every breath. Every moment. The amount […]

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Onward ho

I told my dad about my relationship with Jolie. 3 months ago. A little over 3 months ago. On the way to the airport, right before I left for a work trip for 10 days. I didn’t plan to make it seem like I was running away after dropping the bomb on him. It just […]

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Effortless union

Life as beautiful as me, Love as beautiful as you. We make a good couple, duo, pair. Hand in hand, step by step, breath by breath. Looking into each other, into the abyss, the bliss of who we are, the perfection, completeness, the completion. Calling forth of the other, rising up within ourselves, meeting in […]

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No more right

I carried out a vendetta against my mom for many years. In the later years, we didn’t brawl, like we used to. But I harbored some stuff against her, her motherhood. Stuff like, feeling like she didn’t give me what I needed as a child, feeling like she had abandoned me when I was going […]

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Being Me

There’s something special about being human. Something raw beautiful majestic magnificent significant. There’s something magical about being human. Feeling all the feelings, knowing all the knowings, choosing all the choosings. There’s something wonderful about being human. Tasting all the wonders, drinking all the sweetness, eating all the deliciousness. There’s something truthful about being human. Melting […]

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My Friendship with Trump

I’ve been sitting on this post for almost a week now. I think it’s time to set it free and be okay with it. ———————- I’m not super politically savvy and I don’t keep up with the news a lot. Just what I glimpse in the hotel gym rooms, newspapers in coffee shops, news via […]

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Just like my Creator

I’m tired of fitting into boxes. Tired of “making things work”. Tired of withdrawing because I’m afraid of losing my space, my time, my energy. Tired of “protecting” my space. Tired of feeling like I need to justify my space and what I want. Tired of “letting go”, learning not to attach myself. I’m tired […]

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Blooming remains

Five years ago, I was out in Barcelona studying abroad and sending photos of my experiences and adventures to my ex. I prefaced my photos with: Sorry, I’m horrible at taking pictures. He immediately responded: You are brilliant and everything you do is fucking fantastic. I blushed at that, so aware of my melting heart, […]

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Are you home?

Looking up at the sky today, I was mesmerized by the wispy clouds against the blue background. Super gorgeous day. I could see the clouds slowly unfurling and meandering, nowhere to go, nothing to do. Gazing at the vastness, enjoying the warmth of the sun, I had a sudden feeling that I was in a […]

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Underneath it all

I sat down to meditate in the dark this morning. Before I got settled in, I decided I wanted to sit with and hold my jade elephant, a 4 lb beauty that I had to purchase after I broke it’s tusk in the store. Though Mr. Elephant is not my initial choice, it’s grown on […]

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From the desk of your CEO and Captain,

I would like to thank you for being a courageous player in this Game of Life. I know you didn’t have to, or you could have been less involved or whatever. But you so daringly jump in, yielding relentlessly to faith, truth, freedom. Your desire to live and live fully is magnificent. You are a gorgeous […]

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Sounds good

The voice. Let the voice speak. My jaws have been feeling tight, as of late. Whether it’s because of the transition back to working full-time and I’m more tired than usual. Or because I haven’t been writing. I don’t know. But I catch the tension that keeps sneaking back in. And I know, something wants […]

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Rising

The past month has been a quiet one for me. Somewhat of a sobering one. In the past, I might have said I lost my voice for a month. In the past, I might have apologized for my silence, to myself, to anyone that reads my stuff. In the past, I might have cringed and […]

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Alchemical connection – 60/100

There is nothing quite as beautiful as beholding someone who chooses to show up. Not physically. I’m talking with all they got, all they are, all they want. With all the inner workings, desires, hopes, insecurities, fears, doubts. It’s the showing up that indicates Life. A desire to Live. A desire to be free, to […]

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To my friend – 52/100

I hear your pain. I see your pain. I almost feel your pain. I don’t know the answers. I don’t need to know. I’m here for you, friend. I’m here at your sidelines. I’ll walk alongside you. I’ll run next to you if you need. I believe in greater things for you, as you believe […]

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Eyes, soul, heart – 51/100

Her eyes, so piercing and inviting, soul, so wild and free heart, so open and willing. The depth both scares and draws, like a moth to flame dancing to possible death There’s nothing to do but leap, jump that cliff, challenge gravity, defy the emptiness of failed connections. Thoughts, feelings, decisions feel seemingly recklessness until […]

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I asked for an adventure – 32/100

I asked God for an adventure. I thought I knew what I was asking. I thought I knew what it would look like. I thought I knew where it would take me – or at least an idea. I know now I knew nothing. Not knowing has never been so damn exciting and fun. This […]

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Hungry and definitely foolish – 18/100

I once dated a guy who had something to say about the title of this blog, Hungry and Foolish. It comes from Steve Jobs, originally said, Stay hungry, stay foolish. This guy I dated said that he didn’t agree with the Foolish part, almost as if it was beneath him. Like the idea of being […]

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My mom and my eyebrows – 16/100

I got my eyebrows retouched from microblading (tattoo) a few days ago. I thought the lady that did the work did a great job. I liked it and heard compliments from others. I finally got the chance to show my mom. “Look Mom, I got my eyebrows touched up.” “Ah I see, it looks okay.” […]

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Peace – 11/100

There is really nothing better than being at peace with where I’m at, what I’m doing, who I am, and where I’m going. Nothing.

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Humbled three times – 8/100

One of the most humbling moments of my life was the realization that someone I had believed only wanted to condemn me judge me hurt me actually only wanted to be heard. By me. The second most humbling moment then followed in the form of realizing that I had been struggling all my life with […]

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Keep that stale loaf away from me

As I waited at the edge of Santa Monica Blvd, for the little white figure across the street to tell me I could cross, a thought flitted across my mind, a thought about my writing, or lack thereof recently. I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have anything interesting to share. And even as […]

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Thoughts on not writing

I haven’t been writing lately. The last entry in my journal was dated 1/21/18 – 7 days ago. The last blog post was dated 1/17/18 – 11 days ago. I haven’t been writing lately although there are many moments when I feel overwhelmed. Not with fear and doubt and anxiety, like I used to feel […]

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Thought Excerpt

Excerpt from my journal written December 22, 2017. Remembering that page in this journal written November 17, 2017 that says in BIG letters – FOLLOW MY BLISS. SEE WHERE IT LEADS. TRUST THE BLISS. YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED… Many pages and days later… This is what I have to say: I AM FOLLOWING MY BLISS. […]

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Permission

Gooooooooooood morningggg!!! Damn it feels good to be alive. It feels so good to open my eyes another morning, breathe another breath, make another breakfast smoothie, pack another lunch, and get ready to own this beautiful beautiful day of this crazy amazing life. Immediately, I feel a sense of gloom-and-doom. Because life can’t always be […]

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One humanity

Sometimes, I write to come to myself. I always start with where I am, physically e.g. I’m in Miami. Then I go into my mind i.e. I’m thinking about ____________. Then I drop into my heart i.e. I’m feeling _____________. And that’s scary sometimes because I have no idea what’s going to come out. And […]

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Beginning of a manifesto – 72/100

Have you ever felt like you’ve been asked all your life to live someone else’s life? Have you ever felt like the person you are is a stranger – to yourself? That the image staring back from the mirror couldn’t be further from who you are? Have you ever felt at a loss of words […]

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The process – 50/100

I turned off the lights. I pulled back the covers, slowly lowered myself on my bed, and laughed to myself saying, I think there’s something I’m forgetting to do… Whatever! And then I remember the 100 day challenge. Hahaha. My life. So here I am. Another day. There are so many moments in the day […]

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I feel like I’ve been getting pretty vulnerable on this blog here – 48/100

And part of the reason is I’m running out of things to say. I guess I’m running of socially normal and accepted topics and thoughts. I’m sure there’s more of those in my head somewhere but sometimes when I write, and especially when I’m trying to meet a quota, I simply write. I don’t have […]

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What’s your humanity? – 44/100

The other day, I opened the front door, carrying my backpack and lunch bag, ready to hit up a café for the day when I looked down and saw a medium-sized Amazon box. Without thinking, I let out a shriek of happiness and shouted to my brother, mom – to whoever was in earshot that […]

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What you chase owns you – 37/100

I’ve never been much of a goal-setter, until recently. But I did know how to chase. I chased many things before. A certain body image, money, recognition, social acceptance, security are just a few things I can name off the top of my head. And I don’t think I’ve ever attained or achieved those things. What […]

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28 quotes that dominate my 28-year-old self today – 31/100

Today’s the day. As much as I downplay this day, planning to treat it like a normal day with work, my morning routine, etc., I also can’t help feeling a little more energized, a little more excited for today. Hahah. Nothing on my schedule looks like a celebration, but still. And then I think about […]

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An epiphany on love and myself (but more about myself) – 27/100

Feelings are such interesting things. They have lives of their own, it seems like. Especially when it comes to the romantic, chemistry kind. It’s interesting to me that I go on dates, actively putting myself out there for the purpose of meeting someone who might intrigue and attract me, and yet, I find that I […]

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Self-compassion, not weakness – 24/100

After flying in from SF and getting dropped off at home yesterday, I rushed to unpack, change, and head to the gym to train. I had run a pretty intense 7.5 course the day before at the Bay to Breakers event and my legs were still sore, especially from the crazy SF hills. I still wanted to […]

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Why I’d rather be an animal sometimes – 15/100

This past week, I was at Stef’s new house. We were standing around in the kitchen, me getting ready to leave. I was looking at my friend’s dog – I had caught eye contact with her, a German shepherd named Luna. She looked at me, tongue wagging. It was such a genuine gaze, of curiosity and […]

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28 with a ship – 14/100

I’m turning 28 in a couple weeks. Damn. I’m turning 28 in a couple weeks. Damn again. Hahaha. I had to say it twice. People that are 40+ say I’m “so young!” People that are <21 say I’m “so old!” People between 21 and 39 don’t say much about it. I’m honestly not sure how […]

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Too damn amazing – 11/100

It’s 1:39am, approximately 3 hours past my bedtime. I was almost horizontal on my bed when I realized… the 100 day challenge. Damnit. I am convicted. I cannot fail this thing. I’ve already missed one day. So here I am, sitting on the floor, my back on my bed, legs stretched out in front of me. […]

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My First Adult Heartbreak pt. 1 of 2

My first and only (thus far) adult heartbreak happened when I was 25/26. It happened with a guy I met on a dating app who happened to live 5 minutes from me. He had this bad boy streak about him, a mysterious dark vibe that indicated he’d been through some kind of hell and back. He once […]

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What I don’t know

Today, I did the unthinkable. I wasted time. In actuality, it wasn’t a waste of time. I stayed in bed about 15 minutes longer. Went to the gym later than I’d planned. Put in my bike workout. Went home, showered, headed out to pick up a new bike for the tri. Helped someone run an […]

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No thank you but fine

My dad’s been telling me to be soft… and feminine… and basically uncomfortable. LOL. Because right now, I do not feel soft and feminine, or even want to exude anything like that, especially toward him. UGH. I want to punch him. Because my hardness and low-balling tactics are partly because of him, know what I mean? […]

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The voice and the water

Now that this week is over, I have so many ideas, so many things I want to write and share about. People have asked if I’m going to keep updating the blog with how things are going and I said Yes I would. So the entire week has passed and I’ve written one post, about […]

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Lessons from My Dating Past to Present

My dating career isn’t too extensive, though its trajectory does seem to show some promise. By that I mean I haven’t dated too much but I feel like I’m getting better and better at reading and picking out good guys, and even men. My first adult relationship happened at 25 years old. The four years […]

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I want my Yeti – I got my Yeti

The sexiest thing about driving to work on Presidents’ Day – getting from home to LA office in less than 30 minutes. The least sexy thing about driving to work on Presidents’ Day – driving to work on Presidents’ Day. Lol anyway. I lost my Yeti during a bachelorette party in San Diego a few weeks […]

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#4 Dad

Wow – the little brother can Write. Love love love!

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One last thought

As I head out to New Year’s Eve ratchetivities — which really just means more makeup than usual and a pre-paid entrance fee to a venue — I’m enlivened by the fact that I’m alive, I have good people around me, and I have something to look forward to. I don’t mean something to look forward to at the […]

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Are you listening?

This post was chilling in my drafts for a couple months now. I didn’t even know it was there haha. I think I was afraid it was too… fuzzy and abstract or something to post or associate myself with. But I believe time always tells and as I read what had been written, I don’t deny I […]

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Kudos, Grace

The amount of resources out there is overwhelming. Exciting, but overwhelming. So many ways to learn and grow and expand my mind. Where does it stop? Where do my curiosity and hunger become satiated? So much so that I need to prioritize haha. I’ve signed up for courses, downloaded ebooks, subscribed to blogs, newsletters… There’s […]

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Good people

I’m late on writing something I promised some people. It’s burning a hole in the back of my mind. I have so much I want to say… and nothing to write – at the moment. The thought that does come up in my mind is: I’m surrounded by good people. I left church this past […]

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My superlative

My greatest accomplishment is to mean what I say and say what I mean. My greatestest accomplishment is to then do what I say and mean. This, to me, is the epitome of freedom, because let me tell you – life sucks when you can’t figure out what you mean, what you want, who you […]

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Grief

I recently found out someone close to me has a terminal illness. I’m not really sure if I can say “close to me” because this someone is my therapist. You’re probably laughing right now – this person is paid hourly to listen to my shit. Honestly, I would pay the same amount to have a […]

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2016

I keep reminding myself to remind myself to take inventory of this past year. At the beginning of the year, I remember telling my friends 2016 would be a year of decisions. Honestly, like so many other things, I have no idea why I said. But the fact that those words came out of my […]

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Pops

I grew up vowing I would never – never – ever be like my dad. He’s not a terrible man; he’s just done some terrible things. But since high school, when the admirable image of my dad disintegrated and I began to use my mind to really understand what was going on and what he […]

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Four bags

On my flight home from Phoenix, I didn’t hear my group being called and ended up having to store my luggage at the very back. Another woman, about 30ish, also had to pack hers in the back. I noticed she’s beautiful and tall and confident and womanly. You could say I was checking her out […]

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Standing, falling, standing

Over the lifetime of this blog, many many many many many many many things have changed. Many. Hahaha. One of them is that I began to worry about whether I’m right or wrong, the things I feel and think. I know, that’s very vague. But just know, it’s something else to struggle within, to war between mind and […]

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My friend

Life is interesting. My friend, Mauro, and I met at a hostel in Seoul over a weekend. He was there for business and I was there for chillinnnn hahah. Simply, we clicked. We and a couple other hostel friends went out a few times and explored the city and it was good times every time. I […]

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Greek

“I want you to take me to try something I’ve never tried before.” Those were the words of my pops (in Korean) when asked where he wanted to dine in honor of himself this Father’s Day. Nice. He also mentioned this decree was inspired by my adventurous spirit when it comes to trying new (and […]

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Things felt

The next train left at 8:25am. I flicked my wrist to check the time: 8:04am. “Halmoni, I have to go.” With that I threw in my clothes and packed my bag. I had spent the night there as I would be leaving Korea soon and it was a courtesy familial visit. She walked me out […]

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A real fake thing

I was talking to someone recently and somewhere along the conversation, the topic of fear came up. He asked what fears I have/had, to which I answered, fear of failure and rejection. I told him I felt I was over them but later on in the conversation, I said something that indicated a fear of rejection. He […]

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A great weight

A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can breathe again and live. I lived in oppression the past few weeks, constantly ruminating and worrying – but no more. My dad wants cash to buy hiking pants. My mom wants a giftcard. Done. A great weight has been lifted off my […]

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Good day documentation

It’s 1:57am. I just got home, showered, and am now in my pajamas. But instead of crawling into bed, I want to document this day. It was a good day. Correction – a really good day. I did some work in the morning at home until the power went out and since my work laptop has […]

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Unfettered

When you’re going up a hill on an Icelandic pony and you’re about to jump over a little stream, you must completely believe in the horse and fate. Because if you show fear, you’ll spook the horse and the horse may stumble. It’s not being reckless. It’s being unfettered by doubt. That’s my definition of trust. […]

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Every day, in the semi-conscious state residing between sleep and awakeful…ness… is that even a word lol. Anyway, in that state of semi-consciousness, I’ve found myself being… grateful somehow, for some reason. Right as I wake up, I feel flooded with gratitude for… life. For everything in its own right. There is no particular reason, nothing particular […]

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Zero

It has been a very interesting past few weeks. A very hard few weeks. Breaking up with someone is never easy. It hurts like a mother and lasts like it will never end. I don’t know where to begin. Except maybe here. I  know I tried my best and I know where I messed up […]

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Hi Mom

Anything is possible. I’ve never really seen my mom as a role model. Yeah, I said it. For me, the fact that thought existed in my mind divulges a lot about our relationship, how I view her, how I respect her – or don’t respect her. Which is why what I’m about to say means something. […]

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Friday Night Ramblings

I don’t know why but people, usually non-Asians, call me Kim. It sort of boggles my mind. I’m not offended in any way. I just don’t get how a person reads or hears that my name is Grace Kim and proceeds to address me by my last name. I guess it would be the same for […]

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No hay fin

My last day in Barcelona. Also St. Jordi’s Day, the equivalent to US’ Valentine’s Day. Stands are set up all over the city selling roses and books. I wish James were here. Packing last night was a little bit of a struggle. Mentally because I was trying to fit everything I had brought, everything I had […]

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Study breaking

I have 5 minutes til my study break is over. I have 3 full days left before I leave for Portugal. I don’t know where the time went, but the program is almost done. I can’t even focus on that right now because I’m 1 exam, 1 paper, and 1 presentation away from reality. I […]

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Stuck

All of you were so preoccupied with custom that you forgot times change. – The Fifth Mountain (Paulo Coelho) I don’t ever want to stay stuck. It’s okay to be stuck and in the process of getting unstuck. But to stay stuck is stubbornness and fear becoming best friends. I want the new, the better. […]

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Toothpaste

I finished an entire tube of toothpaste on my own. An amazing feat, I know, but I want to draw the attention away from the amazingness and point out that when I arrived in Barcelona, this tube was completely full. The rim was still impeccable, the cap opened without stickiness, it was a nice weight in my […]

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In passing

Where to begin. I walked out of class with nothing on my mind and everything on my mind. I don’t get it either haha. Maybe it was the three classes I had today, the last of which I was 97% checked out, except when he called roll. Maybe it was the thought of planning for […]

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Fantastic

So there’s this guy. Let’s be upfront and honest. I’ve known this guy for… almost two months. We’ve been in the same country for about 2.5 weeks of these two months. I think… we’ve hung out or talked or texted or Skyped every single day since we met. No, I know we have. He’s become a daily […]

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The first day

First full day in Barcelona. I don’t know where to begin. So let’s begin with home. Home is shared with a family of four: Mom, Dad, and twin girls. I hadn’t expected the twins; I had thought it was just a couple. Here they are: Now y’all know how I feel about kids. But these […]

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The more

Sometimes… you live and you learn. Hahah. Insecurities, failures, missed opportunities are a given. And living, real living, is just to simply glean from it, laugh at the/my foolishness of the moment, and walk away smarter, better, stronger. There’s only smarter, better, stronger left to gain. I don’t think we get stupider. Just the stupid stuff […]

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