My Dad and I

I’m a free woman. Or still learning. Last Tuesday I got my nose pierced. This Monday I took it out. What happened after Tuesday was my dad’s reaction. What happened on Monday was my reaction to his. He was extremely displeased. This is very close to being an understatement. But I’ll spare you the details. I […]

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Shh.

I realized it takes just as much courage, if not more, to shut my mouth as it takes to open it. It takes a little extra bravery to just let things… be. It doesn’t need my snarky remark, not my snide answer, nor my condescending correction. It just needs to be let go, handled from […]

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Sometimes

I really like this one song by Flume. I liked the sound but then I looked up the lyrics and I like it even more now. These lines are pretty much the only substantial lyrics. You don’t have to be afraid You don’t even have to be brave Living in a gilded cage… Your mind […]

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What I learned this summer

I learned that when I say “I don’t have time to ____________” I’m really lying to myself and to whomever I said it. I learned that when I say “I don’t have time to ____________”, it really just means, “I don’t want it bad (enough).” Why? Because I learned that when you really want to […]

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Mezcla

Having the hardest time writing support letters. On a funner note, went surfing for the second time. Had a BLAST. Saw a seal too!! Caught a couple waves. Almost died trying to catch others. Looking to buy a wetsuit and a board. Craigslist, here I come! On a deeper note, had a beautiful conversation over […]

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Go

I feel like I’d been standing in a vast forest. I’m standing on one leg with my other leg poised in mid-air. I’m scrutinizing, examining, measuring the best, most right, most perfect place to carefully place my foot and move forward. Everything about it is still, born out of a subtle fear of disappointing… someone. […]

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Mommy and me

Got home a tad buzzed last night. Ended up having the craziest heart to heart with my mom. We talked about EVERYTHING. Barcelona, school, future, Dad, Jed, Mom, me, career. Beyond that, there were things that couldn’t be expressed or contained in a word or phrase. Things that lie below the surface of the conscious landscape […]

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Dory, my muse

Just keep moving, just keep moving, Grace. You don’t have to always understand, know everything. You don’t have to feel like you have it together. You don’t have to feel anything except the desire for more. You don’t have to do anything but give in to the drive that compels you forward. Just keep moving. […]

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Nothing but a number

“I’m young, I still have so much to do! I still have so much I want to do.” Spoken by a woman twice my age. Word.

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Do you know who I am?

You know what really changes people? When they are believed in. When someone else recognizes potential and goodness in them. I think that really changes people. It’s crazy what it does to me. It changes everything. It makes work fun. It makes my talent and ability something to be proud of and maximize. It  makes […]

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The crazy

Life is crazy, isn’t it? Finding myself walking down alleys I never expected, imagined. Discovering strengths as well as weaknesses in areas I never knew existed. Hoping for things I’d never thought I’d ever want. Running after the wind. Lol. Life is crazy. Never thought I’d be this place. It’s no special place, nothing crazy, […]

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Pre-study

I crack open the books to study and put on this song: Yeah. 0% productivity. I can never get anything done with my playlist of similar songs and yet I do it every time. I just don’t learn. Maybe I don’t want to. Haha. Today, I had a moment where I felt like I was […]

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Move

The semester is coming to an end. Very interesting place to be. I used to be that person who brushed off questions like, “What do you want to do with your life?” or “What do you plan to do with this major?” or “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” with a simple, “I’m […]

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I am amazing.

Sometimes when someone compliments me, I just want to sit that person down, buy him or her a cup of tea and a scone of some sort and ask, “Really?? Tell me more! Tell me more about how great I am, how wonderful you think I am. I’m dying to hear.” Lol. Seriously. Not sure […]

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Don’t stop

The fear of failure is a compelling argument for ambition. But I don’t want it to be mine, as I recently discovered it to be, at least partly. I want to laugh at the future. I want to stomp all over my plans because I make them, and not the other way around. I want […]

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Midnight ramble

Ladies’ Conference is tomorrow/today. Not sure what to expect. Except everything. Bahaha. How exciting it is, that I’m even able to hope for more… after all that he’s already done and given me. Quick story. There were three prophets, U, J, and H. U went around speaking of the coming doom; they would be held […]

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Finally

Yesterday was a very interesting day in the life of Grace J. Kim. Work has been interesting. Lots of things going on in my mind. That’s beside the point. Lifepoint’s Friday service was graced with the presence and message spoken by Pastor Sam Song from Hong Kong. He spoke about the difference between justification and sanctification. Here’s […]

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Knowledge transfer

Piggybacking off my entry two days ago, I realized something that branched off from the thought: assumptions are dangerous and useless. My initial experience was an earthly one. There were certain things from my work that instilled in me the importance of letting things be, working them out through time and communication, rather than shooting […]

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Remembrance

I visited some archived entries from April 2013, a year ago. I came across this: (April 13, 2103) I am about go to the last general session of a woman’s conference.  I have one thing. Dad, teach me to hope again.  Show me again how you look at me.  Remind me your gaze.  Awaken my heart […]

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Here I am

Have you ever felt like everything you knew is falling apart? I feel like such a brat and a child saying it but I’m there right now. I’m frustrated because even this place, this blog has become foreign to me. I feel at odds. How I feel about making public what I want to write […]

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That Job

*Edit: “Job” is referring to the Job that is a chapter in the Bible, the one that lost everything haha. Not a job that you work at. I realized it’s easy to misunderstand. Found this chilling in my drafts. ___________________________________________________________________________ The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Job And indeed, he has taken away. […]

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Keep on keeping on

To hesitate is to perish. Simón Bolívar I want to do more. And not just be. Except I’m so used to being that doing requires an extra step… giving me room for hesitation. And doubt and even fear. I’m out of my element. It’s a strange place but I don’t want to be elsewhere. It wouldn’t make sense. I […]

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Week of 2/23

This week in a very big nutshell: – Sometimes, it takes a midterm grade of less than 50% to slap me into reality. Thank the professor, who works really hard to pass all his students and add extra credits for doing homework. I’d been riding the wave of thinking I’m top of my ish. It […]

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Wall

I love it when I get to hash things out with people. All the pent up energy and feelings are released and in the end, all that’s left to do is get a boba or ice cream cone and enjoy each other’s company. This is exactly how my conversations with my mom don’t end. I’m […]

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What The

I feel like it’s been “that time of month” for a month. Been roller coastering through laughter, crying, and everything next to, in between, above, below, within, and whatever other prepositions I can’t think of right now. Very interesting. There’s no time to evaluate it. There’s nothing to evaluate. Just… observe. Watch myself fall apart. […]

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Crier

Sunday was a very interesting day for me. End of service found me a hot mess. Thank the good Lord I had forgotten to put on mascara that morning. As I shared with a friend about why I had cried, the river of salt water continued. I’m not used to this much crying, folks. I’m […]

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Gigantic Lump

I realized why I was so angry. I was a gigantic walking lump of complaining. Yep, I was that girl with dark scribbles hanging over her head. Sometimes, when you’re in the middle of something, engulfed in it, you don’t know what’s really going on. For me, all I knew were my… complaints. I ran […]

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Base

Feeling broken at the moment. Lots of thoughts and emotions going through my mind. Feeling like he’s calling me, drawing me, yearning for me. Feeling the desire to answer, but not sure… how. Funny ’cause this was, used to be all I knew how to do. But right now, feeling like a little girl, a […]

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Big Dipper

There’s something strange going on. Ever since my first Arizona mission trip, I became fond of the Big Dipper. I could find it almost immediately. Its handle and scoop part had become familiar to me, almost like a friend. Looking at it made me feel minuscule in a comforting way. Any and every time I […]

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Here

I didn’t realize I had no vision until last night. It explained so much. It explained why I did things that weren’t… conventionally Christian. Why I didn’t do things that were. This is my blog so continue reading at your risk. I honestly did not and do not give two hoots about another person’s faith. […]

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(blank)

I’ve been feeling a little depressed or… empty lately. Not sure why. Or maybe I do. All I know is, I want something to take my breath away. I want to be taken off guard, to get the wind knocked out, even be swept away. I want to feel. Everything is… what it is. Is […]

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Move

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you are not going to stay where you are. – J.P. Morgan This quote has been chilling in my drafts since last month. It had no title originally so out of curiosity, I opened it up and found this nugget of wisdom saved for a later […]

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Here

I am so not satisfied right now. I am so not okay with me right now. Haha. Happy Sunday.

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11/10

I got in my car, sat a sec, and breathed a prayer. … I love you the same as the first day. And it hit me. Today is five years later. Happy birthday to me.

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I Am Not Paying Attention In Class

I forgot which song on Power106, but in the midst of the raunchy lyrics and cheesy confessions, one line caught my ear: “I want you to want me.” I had to stop a second because it was probably one of the deepest lines I’d heard on the radio since… ever haha. It’s not “Take your […]

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I just have to say: I am so freaking happy. I am so freaking thankful. I am so freaking _________. I have nothing more to ask for. Happy Wednesday.

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Garble

Hello world, I feel like a mess. Everything makes sense and nothing makes sense. Haha. For example, I feel like a nobody at times but I am emotionally, psychologically, mentally okay with it. Not in a dejected, resigned way. Just. It is what it is. I’m not afraid to face it and let it be […]

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Limitless

Came across this quote while working. Don’t ask how. Anyone agree? For too long I lived by the “perfection” in my head. Everything I thought was “perfect” ended up constricting my lungs, compressing my heart, until I couldn’t breathe and live because all I could see and wanted to do was fulfill this “perfection” in real life. […]

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“… but the Lord looks on the heart.” There is my peace.  I don’t have much.  Or anything, actually haha.  But here is the One I love, the One whose attention I crave more than anyone else’s… and I know he is pleased simply because of what he encounters in me, my heart.  What kind […]

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Hi

Hello blog, it’s been a while.  No, I haven’t forgotten about you.  Rather, the opposite.  I think about you often and what I want to write.  I’ve opened up several new posts… and never finished.  I reminisced on the days of four or five entries a week.  I miss the random spurts of thought and […]

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Cavern

It’s been harder to write nowadays. I feel like before everything I learned and felt and experienced was easily put into words and expressed in one sitting. Right now, when I write, I feel like I’m trying to catch a color and pin it to a screen. It keeps getting away and in the end, […]

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Held

Things always become more clearly defined and valued when there’s less of it.  For me, as of late, that is time.  Monday through Wednesday is school and work.  Thursday and Friday is work with some catching up on school.  Saturday and Sunday is school work and and attempts to keep a social life. I love […]

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The education

I am studying for my final on Spanish grammar and writing.  Exciting.  Hahah. I just wanted to say how grateful I am to be able to go to school.  Even for this semester and how far I’ve come.  I don’t know what’s going to happen later but I am so… thankful that I can attend […]

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Blurb

Do we realize how much our God wants to pour out on us?  Do we feel how much he wants to bless us?  How much he burns for us to live in freedom?  What is sin?  Striving?  Despair?  Depression?  Loneliness, death, hopelessness, worthlessness, failure?  What are all these things?  Crap.  In the face of God, this is […]

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Encounter

Long time! I have a 5 page research paper due in my Spanish civilization class and I’m still searching searching searching for a topic, something I can sink my teeth in.  So far, I’ve been looking into mysticism.  Until this class, I’d never heard of it.  According to Merriam-Webster, it’s “the belief that direct knowledge […]

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Neverending

I am happy. I am currently printing a 2 copies of a 4 page powerpoint lecture at school.  Everyone familiar with CSUF printing knows what that means.  Printing powerpoints take at leastttt 5-7 minutes.  Which also means everyone else’s gets stuck in queue until mine’s done.  HAHA.  I’m not laughing at them in a mean […]

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Craving

Exodus 32:1-6 / The Golden Calf 1 When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods who will go before us.  As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened […]

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Desire

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. – Psalm 91:1 Dad, I want to dwell in your shelter!!!  And rest in your shadow!!!  You are doing something crazy right now.  I don’t just feel it.  I don’t just believe it.  I know it.  Don’t […]

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Simple

Exodus 27 & 28: the altar of burnt offering & the priestly garments There is so much detail in the instructions… e.g. “Build an altar of acacia wood, 3 cubits high;  it is to be square, 5 cubits long and 5 cubits wide.  Make a horn at each of the four corners, so that the […]

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The cray

Things just got real. It was real before.  But it just got real.  Haha. It’s like… black and white TV. Then color. DVDs. Cable. Big-screens. Satellite. HD. Blu-ray. I don’t know what other technologies have advanced since but whatever it is, it would go here. Each time, it’s the coolest/best/most advanced.  Until the next.  And […]

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Significant

It is an ungodly hour in which I write this. There is one thing I ask of God more than anything else.  Well more than anything else I could think of at the moment haha.  More than spiritual gifts, more than money (yes, really hahah), more than a future husband, more than good grades, more […]

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Today is definitely an IDGAF day.  Hahah. Happy Monday!

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Life is beautiful.  So beautiful.  Its ups, downs, ins, outs.  It’s music.  For no reason.  That’s part of it, no?  The fact that it is what it is… and that’s just the way it is. It’s a river.  It’s air.  So vast.  So fluid.  So full.  So vibrant.  So Good.  Capital G Good. Whatever was, […]

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Pooper

Tell me, how come I want more than what’s available to me? how come whatever’s right in my face, ready for the taking is exactly what I don’t want? how come what I want is not in my reach? how come? Hahahaah gahhh. Happy Monday.

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Yes please.

I needa study/get stuff done buttt I think I’m going to squeeze this out real quick.  Sounds like I’m taking a poo haha. Read Psalms and 2 Timothy.  Got stuck at 1:7 of the latter book. Really couldn’t go further.  It was all I needed to hear/read for today. Not a spirit of timidity but […]

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Hole

I’m trying to write a 2 page essay about objectivism in Spanish and it’s just.  Not happening.  Ya know what I means? So I will spew out random stuff. Anyone read the passage in Deuteronomy where Moses talks about masters and servants?  He basically gives these guidelines on how to go about this kind of […]

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Now

There are so many things I want to fill this page with right now.  Since I can’t seem to articulate them into a coherent concise entry I will go little by little. For a while now, I’ve been moved by Mary’s words to Gabriel after he told her about what was going to happen in […]

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Hear me

I have been crucified with Christ and i no longer but Christ lives me in me… – Gal 2:20 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of Christ Jesus our Lord for whose sake we have lost all things. […]

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These past couple weeks have been interesting.  I started the fast expecting nothing and everything.  Whatever was going to happen was going to happen and as usual, I was okay with not knowing.  Actually, I thrive in the not knowing, in the lostness.  It refreshes me to lean back into what seems to be nothing […]

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Layers

Where am I?  What am I doing?  How come I never understand, never get it?  Dadddddddd.  What are you doing?  How come I’m like this?  Who am I?  I thought I knew me.  I thought all that is in me is now out here in the open and there’s nothing more to learn about myself. […]

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Do re mi

The more I experience it, the more I understand that music is the language of the soul.  Words are the language of the mind.  They are derived from and reach the processes of the mind, to be understood and interpreted by their man-made definitions. Music, on the other hand, comes from a place that words […]

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I am fascinated by people who don’t care.  Those who don’t try to watch their tongues and guide their thought process and still present a cohesive, convicting argument or image of themselves or an idea reach me in a way that makes me desire and crave more of them.  I really do respect those who […]

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Randomship

I’m in between scholarship-hunting.  Thought I’d clear up my mind a bit with some free-writing before continuing with the madness. – I am having a hard time with these scholarships.  I’m not looking at crazy $10g essay contests, just some that range from $300-$1000.  It’s just.  They keep asking me to sell myself, why I […]

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Shall we?

For three weeks, from the 7th to the 28th, I am fasting with my church ministry.  People are fasting various things like meat, bread, media and so on.  I had chosen to fast Facebook, Tumblr and shopping (I actually don’t shop a lot, but lately I’d been preoccupied with buying girly stuff like skin care […]

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Another

Ever heard of Anais Nin?  I hadn’t, until this morning.  I was scrolling through some of “freshly pressed” blogs and saw something that caught my eye: “I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the […]

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Drenched

… the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. – Psalm 32:10 Right before I read this, I wrote in my journal: Dad, do you think I trust you too much sometimes?  I feel like I do, esp when I see how much I don’t care. Heehee.  When I read that truth […]

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I have a final in two hours but I… just really want to write this.  Can I just write right now?  Haha here we go. Ever since my friend recommended and lent me Culture of Honor by Danny Silk, a pastor from Bethel in Redding, I’ve been praying for the culture of honor in my house. […]

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Ramblerambleramble

– I tried putting on eyeshadow yesterday.  I forgot to tap off the excess shadow and it ended up on my cheek which I ended up smearing as I accidentally rubbed eyeliner that was already on my finger onto another part of my cheek.  Thus, I went to church with no makeup.  Sigh. – Whenever […]

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Crack

Crackity crack crack crack. I’m on crack.  I feel very alert.  My eyes are wide open and there’s not an ounce of sleepiness in my mind, body and soul.  My friend brought it to me around 9pm.  It is now 2:52am. I (re)know I cannot drink coffee and expect to ever feel normal.  When will […]

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Impeccable Grey

As I type this, my nails are drying.  I haven’t painted them in a while and it’s a bit different this time. You see, I have nine colors.  And the one that’s drying this very moment is one I picked out.  Huh?  What’s that mean?  It means the rest of the eight were gifts.  Which […]

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Just

It’s 3:45:30am and progressively progressing. I’m planning to wake up at 5:40 to go to the rec center and swim.  Maybe I won’t need to wake up.  I don’t know how this will affect my day- I have no idea but right now.  I don’t care.  I’m okay with my day being crappy.  I’m okay […]

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Blood

I was so irritated it was beyond disappointment.  It had reached a point where all that’s left to do is sit back, open a bag of chips which I don’t even like and enjoy the show. So irritated.  So annoyed.  And even when I blow up I have no apology to utter.  I feel so […]

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Dialogue

When you say come away, when you say look at me, when you say meet me, when you say anything, my answer is always yes.

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Ramble

Life is a moment.  It’s not but a moment or only a moment or… Life is a moment.  Its entirety is an encounter with the One. So full, so good even in the crappiness, blahness.  Really.  Who would have known this kind of truth ever existed?  Who could ever conjure up such an idea, concept, […]

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Timeless

A nine year old boy asked me a week ago if I had a boyfriend.  He also asked why I didn’t have one because wasn’t I of an age to have one? Hahaha.  Cute. Earlier that day, a sixteen year old girl asked when I was getting married. Hahahah.  I answered, as soon as it’s […]

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Fick

le fickle fickle. Sometimes I just know, understand, grasp certain things.  It just is what it is.  I know how to react, what to say, what to think.  It’s so easy because I get it.  And I get it because it’s so easy. And other times.  I don’t get jack.  I don’t get what I […]

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Jesus,

I have nothing to say.  Hahaha doesn’t that always crack you up?  When we say you are in heaven and here we are on earth, let our words be few.  And then we keep talking hahahah.  I don’t know.  I would be like, uhh shut up now, earthling.  But you don’t. Jesus, when I think […]

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Somewhere

I’ve been going through a lot lately.  Can’t really say it’s crap.  Just, I feel like I’ve been passing through a more turbulent portion of river.  Things are changing.  I am changing.  I find myself being and saying things I didn’t think I’d ever be or say once I’d become a true Christian.  Haha.  True […]

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No

joke. This is where I want to be. Exactly. where I want to be. Not a step forward or a step backward.  Not moment before or a moment after. Just here.  Right now. Ydig?

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Rock

Everyday I get rocked.  It’s inevitable, inescapable, unpredictable.  Everyday.  It’s just the way it is. But some days… some days, I get rocked a little more than usual. I guess the word that goes with this entry best is: I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1 […]

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Hawt

When observing men, I find myself incredibly drawn to something. There’s something I find attractive.  Okay I lied. There’s something I think is extremely hot. Not all men have it.  Most don’t; it’s not easy to acquire.  And it’s not something one sets about to acquire; the moment one does, it becomes unattainable. It’s intangible. […]

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Altar

Helpless, I watch the gas gauge fall ever so slightly, so constantly as my trusty steed, a ’98 Camry, devours the 60 east.  I wonder if by the time I get back home the cringe-inducing empty light will shine bright, reminding me of what I lack- a tank of gas and the funds to fill it.  It […]

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I want

to go to school. I want to learn. I want to sit in lecture with my notebooks, pens and books. I want to do homework. I want to read. I want to grow. Dad, send me.  I want to go to school.

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Give up

My brother and I haven’t been on wonderful terms lately.  The terms have been a bit sock-you-in-the-face-like.  Especially my side.  I’m sure his is a whole other story.  I can only imagine.  But here on my side, I don’t have to. The way he talks to my mom.  The way he talks to me.  The […]

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Finally

Hello, reader.  I feel like I haven’t written in here in a while.  Haha. While catching up with a friend last week, I became aware of something, of the fuzz that had become my life over the past year.  I instantly knew because I’d said it without thinking, without hesitating, without really knowing. Almost exactly […]

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No comment

When I get complimented or encouraged about something or something of mine gets noticed, I’ve realized more and more that I like to just receive it.  Before, I used to shoot back a “Ooh I like yours too!” or “So are you!” to even it out, y’know, make them feel as special as I did […]

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Shanks

I went to the DMV today.  To reinstate my license.  If you want the whole story, ask me in person. Anyway.  I went in with full hope and confidence of getting my license and registering my car. I walked out with an almost registered car (it needs a smog check). My plan for the day […]

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