What Does Absolute Trust Look Like?

Pulled from my journal this morning. Everything is in caps because that’s exactly how I wrote it lol. Enjoy! I’M RELAXED AND RELAXING ALL THE TIME. I KNOW EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME. I KNOW MY DESIRES ARE WORTHY OF ME AND I AM WORTHY OF MY DESIRES I WALK IN CONFIDENCE KNOWING THAT […]

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Time to play in my sandbox

I’ve spent a lot of life playing in other people’s sandboxes. Other ideologies. Other perspectives. Other’s desires. Other’s thoughts. Other’s values. Not that I took them on as my own. But I’ve spent a lot of life considering them, turning them over in my hands, my mind, my heart, deciding whether I would like to […]

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I Am Willing

I am willing to see. I am willing to see things differently. I am willing to align with my Highest Self. I am willing to evolve. I am willing to expand, to encompass new dimensions, to integrate new eternal truths. I am willing to go all in on me. I am willing to believe and […]

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I am about Me

When I was a wee freshmen in high school, I made it a routine to buy a bagel and cream cheese, take it to the gym locker room (I had first period PE), and eat breakfast with a friend. It had been clearly communicated that there was to be no eating in the locker room. […]

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The only version: Me

There is only one version of me. I am the only me that ever was, is, and will be. So, who or what can tell me who or what I am? Who defines what is good or right or best for me? I have lived long enough – I would almost say too long, but […]

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Gratitude and me

Gratitude. I feel gratitude. It feels like fullness. Like the vessel of me, my physical body, the container of my thoughts, the essence of my being is FULL, touching, pushing against the edges of who and what I am. It doesn’t matter what I’m grateful for. There’s a knowing that the logic, the thoughts, the […]

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A heart full of fuck yous

I woke up yesterday to annoyance frustration blah-ness fuck yous. I could sort of identify where it was coming from. But I could feel it more. I could feel more of the suffocation, the fuckedness, more than I could think about it. The past decade has been spent going inward, leaning into my heart, the […]

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Leaving

I recently moved out. Like last week. I am 30 years old. And this is the first time leaving my parents’ home. Like really leaving home. Not staying weekdays at university. Not studying abroad. Leaving home. Driving last Friday night with my car packed, I felt emotions. Lots of them. I felt tears but I […]

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Some morning words

I’m not sure what it is I want to write, what wants to flow. I guess I’d like to start off with: I am in love with this life. Enamored. Captivated. Over the moon. This is the best thing that’s happened to me, and it keeps happening. Every day. Every breath. Every moment. The amount […]

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Being Me

There’s something special about being human. Something raw beautiful majestic magnificent significant. There’s something magical about being human. Feeling all the feelings, knowing all the knowings, choosing all the choosings. There’s something wonderful about being human. Tasting all the wonders, drinking all the sweetness, eating all the deliciousness. There’s something truthful about being human. Melting […]

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Leaving the nest – Pt. 1

In my life, I consider the moments of moving in faith, “jumping the cliff”. Like quitting my job, letting go of a 4-year crush that I thought would be the relationship of my life (HAHA), things like that. I have no idea what’s at the bottom, if there is a bottom. I have no idea […]

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Are you home?

Looking up at the sky today, I was mesmerized by the wispy clouds against the blue background. Super gorgeous day. I could see the clouds slowly unfurling and meandering, nowhere to go, nothing to do. Gazing at the vastness, enjoying the warmth of the sun, I had a sudden feeling that I was in a […]

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Taking my sweet ass time

With my eyes open, sometimes I can’t see myself Sometimes all I see are others What they’re doing What they’re saying Who they’re being And I feel lost Even now 29, almost 30 years old. With my eyes open, sometimes I forsake my truth my wonder my soul. I wander down the aisles of another’s […]

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The dead dances

[Taken from today’s journal spew] Wowza. Look at that. “19”. [after writing today’s date] Yeah. It really happened. Really really. Here we are… 2019. Really just a number. Really just a collection of months, weeks, days… And yet it gives us, me meaning. Something to look forward to. Something to enjoy. Or not. The cynical […]

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From the desk of your CEO and Captain,

I would like to thank you for being a courageous player in this Game of Life. I know you didn’t have to, or you could have been less involved or whatever. But you so daringly jump in, yielding relentlessly to faith, truth, freedom. Your desire to live and live fully is magnificent. You are a gorgeous […]

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Rising

The past month has been a quiet one for me. Somewhat of a sobering one. In the past, I might have said I lost my voice for a month. In the past, I might have apologized for my silence, to myself, to anyone that reads my stuff. In the past, I might have cringed and […]

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Reframing disappointment – 62/100

It wasn’t until very recently that I’ve been operating life from a fear of disappointment. That wasn’t very surprising, to be honest. It helped me understand why I didn’t go for things, why I held my breath for the other shoe to drop, why I detached myself from desires, wants, hopes. To be honest, it […]

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Eyes, soul, heart – 51/100

Her eyes, so piercing and inviting, soul, so wild and free heart, so open and willing. The depth both scares and draws, like a moth to flame dancing to possible death There’s nothing to do but leap, jump that cliff, challenge gravity, defy the emptiness of failed connections. Thoughts, feelings, decisions feel seemingly recklessness until […]

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Humbled three times – 8/100

One of the most humbling moments of my life was the realization that someone I had believed only wanted to condemn me judge me hurt me actually only wanted to be heard. By me. The second most humbling moment then followed in the form of realizing that I had been struggling all my life with […]

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2/100 continued – 3/100

Continued from 2/100. Was there something more perhaps that kept me alive? Something that I knew deep deep deep deep deep down within that wanted to keep living? To keep trying? Maybe. Yes. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. Truly. Every day today is so full and complete and happy. I cannot […]

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The low low – 2/100

My 10-year high school reunion happened last year in November. When I saw the Facebook invite several months earlier, I stopped a second. A flood of emotions and thoughts ran through me. Up until a couple years ago, high school was my least favorite time on Earth. I bookmarked it as some of my lowest […]

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Not my family’s keeper

It is my belief that family, those who we grew up with or were raised by, are not here for us to help them. It is my belief that they are here for us to help ourselves. I’ve tried so many times, too many to count, to reconcile with my parents. I’ve tried too many […]

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Keep that stale loaf away from me

As I waited at the edge of Santa Monica Blvd, for the little white figure across the street to tell me I could cross, a thought flitted across my mind, a thought about my writing, or lack thereof recently. I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have anything interesting to share. And even as […]

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Thoughts on not writing

I haven’t been writing lately. The last entry in my journal was dated 1/21/18 – 7 days ago. The last blog post was dated 1/17/18 – 11 days ago. I haven’t been writing lately although there are many moments when I feel overwhelmed. Not with fear and doubt and anxiety, like I used to feel […]

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3 words

Explorative, True, and Transformative Those are my three words for 2017. Explorative Looking back at the past couple years, I recognize the level of effortless commitment I experienced in finding and living my truth. And that involved stepping out of my comfort zone, leaving behind things that I felt no longer served me or my […]

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Straight shootin

I grew up thinking this is what an apple looks like after it’s fully consumed: Imagine my surprise when I ran into this a couple years ago: I felt like everything I knew was a sham. I know I know, I’m dramatic. I’ve already accepted it. But really, I was sort of appalled that I […]

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What Is

Sometimes… I feel this powerful intention, a surge of desire and even emotion, come through. And I know it’s not me and it’s all of me. I know I’m not alone yet, I am one. I know there is something there. Something there… so deep… so intrinsic. In these moments, there is no fear because […]

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Thought Excerpt

Excerpt from my journal written December 22, 2017. Remembering that page in this journal written November 17, 2017 that says in BIG letters – FOLLOW MY BLISS. SEE WHERE IT LEADS. TRUST THE BLISS. YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED… Many pages and days later… This is what I have to say: I AM FOLLOWING MY BLISS. […]

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