Your Oneness w/ Yourself = FREEDOM

The indication of a self-actualized person is not accomplishment, awards, money, renown, possessions, connections, power, intelligence, wisdom. All those things are probably present within a self-actualized person. But that’s not an indicator, a hallmark. Transparency, to me – at this time – is the measure of self-actualization. Transparency is, in the words of Dr. Joe […]

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I Felt Like Shit

Today, I felt like shit. I felt sad, disappointed, lonely, frustrated, angry, annoyed, what else… lame, stuck, blah. A lot of blah. Blah blah blah. All I wanted was to feel not blah. Not any of it. I didn’t really understand why this stuff was coming up. As I lay on my bed, on the […]

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I Knew, If I Wanted More, There HAD to BE More

I write from my soul. I write from my heart. I write from my soul because I live my soul. I trust my soul. I know my soul. I believe in it. I know it. It hasn’t always been like this. Nope. It’s been quite different. It’s been a life of living outside of me, […]

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There’s Nothing to Fix About You

Procrastination is not the issue. Laziness is not the issue. Greed is not the issue. Nor anxiety, overeating, bulimia, depression, worry, fogginess, lack of direction, disinterest, boredom, rage, frustration, mediocrity, loneliness, powerlessness, helplessness, fear, poverty, wastefulness, broken relationships, toxic relationships. None of these are issues. Not the Real issue. They are indicators. That’s all they […]

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Read This to Come Back to Your True Self

I don’t get it all. I don’t get most of it. I don’t know much. I haven’t experienced all the things in the world. I’m just me. I’m all me. The thing that is for me is to just be here. To be all me. To be with me. To know me. To see me. […]

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The Best Part of Life is That You Actually Do Know How to Live It :)

You don’t have to know anything except the fact that you do know. That, you do have to know. Because when you do, everything falls into place. And it’s more of a choosing, that you do know. A deciding. A this-is-just-what-it-is-and-that’s-it-ing. An I’m-unavailable-for-it-to-be-any-other-way-ing. Otherwise, you’ll be forever looking at the heavens, beseeching the gods or […]

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Until You Do This, You’re Missing the Whole Freaking Point

Until you listen to your soul, you clearly have not done the thing you’re meant to do. You know it. It’s obvious. Obvious is the way you feel BLAH, fuzzy inside, uncentered, desiring but not being fulfilled, unhappy. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. In fact, those are experiences to be GRATEFUL for. They […]

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All Your Soul Wants is *You*!!

The truth about who you are lies beyond the mirror, beyond your relationships, beyond your experiences, beyond your personality, beyond your desires, beyond your dreams, beyond your ____________. The truth of who you are lies in YOU. It’s such a squishy thing to say, how does one then understand, encounter, know the truth about oneself? […]

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Your “Higher” Calling is Not an Excuse for a “Harder” Life

Bullshit. I hate this hypocritical sacrificial sabotage. Your path is difficult because you made it difficult. Because you bought into ideas and concepts that were taught to you by well-meaning adults. And now you’ve identified so much with them THAT YOU THINK THEY ARE YOU AND YOU ARE THEM. Your path is difficult because of […]

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*You* Are Responsible For Becoming Who You Are Meant to Become

You are the law of your life. I’m really sorry. By that, I mean I’m really not sorry. At all. But the rules and laws you’ve governed your life around – they’re bullshit. The concepts of expectations, obligations, considerations for others, for the greater good… all of it – bullshit. I’m sorry (I’m not sorry). […]

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You Are Craving *YOU*, the You That IS the Soul

I am the center of my universe. You are the center of yours. The construct of the world we experience and perceive exists in us. ONLY in us. There is nothing outside of our perceived perception. And that can be a scary thing, because then… there’s no objective truth. There’s no objective God with an […]

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Life is listening, Watching, and Responding to You – all the time

Whatever it is you think you need in order to [ insert whatever it is you want to do and have and be in your life ] is an excuse to not believe it’s available, and thus, not possible for you. Life is responding to you. It’s like little children who hear the bad words […]

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Always Move in the Direction of Your Soul – You Will Not Be Disappointed

I never knew my life could be this good. So fucking good. But then, I did know. It’s why I followed every single freaking thread, every single nudge within, every single hint and clue and thought and belief that I believed came from soul. It’s why I said yes to what was within again and […]

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Your Body Tells You The Story Of You. Your Body Doesn’t Lie.

You can’t really tell in the photo but I was struggling with my weight and my body. A lot. I didn’t gain a massive amount os weight, but I knew in my heart of hearts, I was deeply dissatisfied with myself. I was skinny in high school, super fit, with a way low body fat […]

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Projecting, Much?

Did you know life is actually VERY simple? Like almost infuriatingly simple? Like ridiculously simple? Like so simple you want to go back in time and slap yourself for not knowing how simple it actually is? God really is an artist for putting this whole show together FOR us to live, enjoy, master, and thrive, […]

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Believing Beyond Feeling

I woke up this morning feeling groggy. Out of it. Blah. Bleh. Meh. I couldn’t get a foothold on myself, my center. It felt like I had no energy, no vision. I couldn’t see beyond the funk. And I wanted beyond the funk. I wanted to feel the energy I know I am, the energy […]

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I Don’t Need to Take Care of the Middle, The Problem, the How

I have this tapestry. My best friend, Stef, gifted it to me for my birthday. It’s a picture of the beach, right by the edge of the shore, with a million dollar view of the sun setting? rising? near the horizon. I love it. She (Stef) gets me. Out of all the objects I have […]

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The Micro-(r)evolution

I did a Facebook live earlier this morning about how all it takes to get from our HERE reality to our THERE desired reality, is… Faith. Damnit though. Why does it have to be so wispy, so intangible? Faith is for the spiritual, the woo-woo, the devout, the religious. No, you fool. Faith is for […]

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Time to play in my sandbox

I’ve spent a lot of life playing in other people’s sandboxes. Other ideologies. Other perspectives. Other’s desires. Other’s thoughts. Other’s values. Not that I took them on as my own. But I’ve spent a lot of life considering them, turning them over in my hands, my mind, my heart, deciding whether I would like to […]

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I am about Me

When I was a wee freshmen in high school, I made it a routine to buy a bagel and cream cheese, take it to the gym locker room (I had first period PE), and eat breakfast with a friend. It had been clearly communicated that there was to be no eating in the locker room. […]

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A heart full of fuck yous

I woke up yesterday to annoyance frustration blah-ness fuck yous. I could sort of identify where it was coming from. But I could feel it more. I could feel more of the suffocation, the fuckedness, more than I could think about it. The past decade has been spent going inward, leaning into my heart, the […]

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No more right

I carried out a vendetta against my mom for many years. In the later years, we didn’t brawl, like we used to. But I harbored some stuff against her, her motherhood. Stuff like, feeling like she didn’t give me what I needed as a child, feeling like she had abandoned me when I was going […]

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Just like my Creator

I’m tired of fitting into boxes. Tired of “making things work”. Tired of withdrawing because I’m afraid of losing my space, my time, my energy. Tired of “protecting” my space. Tired of feeling like I need to justify my space and what I want. Tired of “letting go”, learning not to attach myself. I’m tired […]

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Blooming remains

Five years ago, I was out in Barcelona studying abroad and sending photos of my experiences and adventures to my ex. I prefaced my photos with: Sorry, I’m horrible at taking pictures. He immediately responded: You are brilliant and everything you do is fucking fantastic. I blushed at that, so aware of my melting heart, […]

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I told my mom I’m dating a non-male

Me: Mom, I have something to tell you. Mom: What? Silence Me: It’s kind of hard to say. Mom: What? Silence Mom: Just say it. Me: I know… but… Silence Me: I’m dating someone Silence Me: Not a man Mom: ? Me: I’m dating that friend I brought over a couple months ago Silence Mom: […]

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Leaving the nest – Pt. 1

In my life, I consider the moments of moving in faith, “jumping the cliff”. Like quitting my job, letting go of a 4-year crush that I thought would be the relationship of my life (HAHA), things like that. I have no idea what’s at the bottom, if there is a bottom. I have no idea […]

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Underneath it all

I sat down to meditate in the dark this morning. Before I got settled in, I decided I wanted to sit with and hold my jade elephant, a 4 lb beauty that I had to purchase after I broke it’s tusk in the store. Though Mr. Elephant is not my initial choice, it’s grown on […]

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Lessons

Last night around 9-10pm, I went to my car to get my green juice bottle to get it ready for the next day, my today. I saw a pair of sweats lying in front of my neighbor’s door. I debated whether I should knock on the door and let them know. Lazy me said nah. […]

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The dead dances

[Taken from today’s journal spew] Wowza. Look at that. “19”. [after writing today’s date] Yeah. It really happened. Really really. Here we are… 2019. Really just a number. Really just a collection of months, weeks, days… And yet it gives us, me meaning. Something to look forward to. Something to enjoy. Or not. The cynical […]

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From the desk of your CEO and Captain,

I would like to thank you for being a courageous player in this Game of Life. I know you didn’t have to, or you could have been less involved or whatever. But you so daringly jump in, yielding relentlessly to faith, truth, freedom. Your desire to live and live fully is magnificent. You are a gorgeous […]

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Rising

The past month has been a quiet one for me. Somewhat of a sobering one. In the past, I might have said I lost my voice for a month. In the past, I might have apologized for my silence, to myself, to anyone that reads my stuff. In the past, I might have cringed and […]

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Reframing disappointment – 62/100

It wasn’t until very recently that I’ve been operating life from a fear of disappointment. That wasn’t very surprising, to be honest. It helped me understand why I didn’t go for things, why I held my breath for the other shoe to drop, why I detached myself from desires, wants, hopes. To be honest, it […]

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Anticipation creeping – 48/100

I’ve talked about where I stand in regards to my parents’ opinions about me, especially in the space and chapter of life that I’m in. I’m still there. Still, there’s a part of me that feels tension, hairs on edge, breath held… Mainly because I feel like they may find out earlier than later. Or […]

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Too different, a little wild, then and now – 39/100

A guy once said he wouldn’t date me because I was too different, a little wild. At the time, I was offended because I really really liked him – a lot. Like a lot lot. I could not understand what he saw, why he didn’t see what I saw, or wanted to see. That we’d […]

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Yoga for me – 30/100

I’ve been incorporating yoga into my morning routine. It’s been a very grounding way to get the started. When I’m in it, all I’m aware of is my breath. And my muscles stretching off last night’s sleep. It brings me into the body and, as I’m aware that all I need to be doing in […]

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My mom and my eyebrows – 16/100

I got my eyebrows retouched from microblading (tattoo) a few days ago. I thought the lady that did the work did a great job. I liked it and heard compliments from others. I finally got the chance to show my mom. “Look Mom, I got my eyebrows touched up.” “Ah I see, it looks okay.” […]

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Humbled three times – 8/100

One of the most humbling moments of my life was the realization that someone I had believed only wanted to condemn me judge me hurt me actually only wanted to be heard. By me. The second most humbling moment then followed in the form of realizing that I had been struggling all my life with […]

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2/100 continued – 3/100

Continued from 2/100. Was there something more perhaps that kept me alive? Something that I knew deep deep deep deep deep down within that wanted to keep living? To keep trying? Maybe. Yes. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. Truly. Every day today is so full and complete and happy. I cannot […]

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Not my family’s keeper

It is my belief that family, those who we grew up with or were raised by, are not here for us to help them. It is my belief that they are here for us to help ourselves. I’ve tried so many times, too many to count, to reconcile with my parents. I’ve tried too many […]

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No mo FOMO pt. 2

FOMO was a real thing for me. It loyally guided most, if not all, of my decisions in how I spent my time, shared my energy, focused my attention. I gravitated toward people, experiences, and places that I felt, if I could just get in their vicinity, I would feel more whole, happier, belong-ed (not […]

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My education

Since I made the shift back in March to go broke and align myself with what I truly want to do, I’ve been educating myself. I’ve signed up for classes, joined empowerment groups, attended conferences, bought books (I’ve even read some of them heehee), etc. It’s so interesting, I’ve been raised to learn what I […]

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One humanity

Sometimes, I write to come to myself. I always start with where I am, physically e.g. I’m in Miami. Then I go into my mind i.e. I’m thinking about ____________. Then I drop into my heart i.e. I’m feeling _____________. And that’s scary sometimes because I have no idea what’s going to come out. And […]

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Why vulnerability is so expensive and worth it – 64/100

Sometimes male-female relationships are difficult. But they don’t have to be. They can be difficult in the beginning when feeling out the other person, trying to understand the differences, understand that there are differences, and adjust, if you deem it worth it. I find that the hardest thing to do is be vulnerable. And I think […]

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That which does not serve you breaks you – 56/100

Back in the day, 9 out of 10 human beings that found out I was a runner, asked me if I listen to music when I run. 9 out of 9 times, I answered, No, hell no. For some reason, this always seemed to surprise them. I always gave the explanation – Listening to music […]

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My massive crush – 46/100

I have a massive crush on someone. I’m sharing with the Facebook and WordPress worlds because he doesn’t exist in either of them. Thank God, right? I can spill my thoughts without worrying about him stumbling on them. Or maybe I want him to find them. But only when I’m ready. I have categorized this […]

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The last resort that became a second chance – 45/100

I’ve never felt as empowered and justified as I did this past Monday afternoon. This past Monday afternoon was spent at a Korean fried chicken joint because the cafe next door was packed. The people that accompanied me were my mom, my cousin from Korea, and her husband, a recently graduated seminary student. My cousin […]

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What you chase owns you – 37/100

I’ve never been much of a goal-setter, until recently. But I did know how to chase. I chased many things before. A certain body image, money, recognition, social acceptance, security are just a few things I can name off the top of my head. And I don’t think I’ve ever attained or achieved those things. What […]

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Too good to be true – 36/100

Life is beautiful. Life is good. I came home from meeting an old friend for a coaching session, working on setting up the upcoming week, getting stuff done, and grabbing dinner with a cool person I met on a dating app. Life is good and beautiful not because of a certain thing, person, or food. […]

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A step is a step (don’t give up) – 35/100

The area I live in is a bit hilly. It’s good for training. Builds character, I say. But it’s painful. Just the sight of looking upward toward the seemingly endless sidewalk brings feelings of Damn… to my heart. One thing that helps me keep going is knowing that, at the end of this formidable incline, is […]

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I checked my phone 7 times and refocused 8 times – 34/100

I’m writing the first draft of a book. I set aside one hour a day to focus on it. Sometimes it flows. Other times, it’s like tying down a hyper kindergartener to a chair and forcing her to count the lines in a 5-subject notebook. Yeah, it’s like that. Moments like that, the most ordinary things […]

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We give too many craps about nice – 32/100

I write weekly emails to a group of people. The topics of these emails are mostly about life, life lessons, musings, things that I feel help me become the better version of me. If you’d like to get on the email list – click this! Or if you just want to read this week’s email […]

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28 quotes that dominate my 28-year-old self today – 31/100

Today’s the day. As much as I downplay this day, planning to treat it like a normal day with work, my morning routine, etc., I also can’t help feeling a little more energized, a little more excited for today. Hahah. Nothing on my schedule looks like a celebration, but still. And then I think about […]

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On feeling useless – 28/100

All day today and as I get ready to go out tonight, a nagging thought lingers in the back of my mind. My girls took me to go hiking near the beach, which was just a good time as always. Then we swung by Irvine Spectrum to buy a top for tonight, which was not frustrating […]

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An epiphany on love and myself (but more about myself) – 27/100

Feelings are such interesting things. They have lives of their own, it seems like. Especially when it comes to the romantic, chemistry kind. It’s interesting to me that I go on dates, actively putting myself out there for the purpose of meeting someone who might intrigue and attract me, and yet, I find that I […]

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Excuses suck because I know they’re bullshit – 25/100

As my birthday approached this year, I felt a few different things. I was a little anxious, a little restless about my life, where I am, and, more often, where I’m not. But the closer it gets, the less I feel anxious and restless. Interesting. As it gets closer, the more I am clear on […]

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Self-compassion, not weakness – 24/100

After flying in from SF and getting dropped off at home yesterday, I rushed to unpack, change, and head to the gym to train. I had run a pretty intense 7.5 course the day before at the Bay to Breakers event and my legs were still sore, especially from the crazy SF hills. I still wanted to […]

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I didn’t punch my brother today even though I usually want to – 21/100

It’s Friday. I’m driving on the freeway, one of my favorite places to be (depending on the time of day lol). My brother, one of my favorite human beings, is in the passenger seat. We are heading home from a good therapy session. Windows are down and the sun kisses my left arm resting on […]

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I like Mondays – 9/100

It’s Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday. Very good, Grace. Thank you. Hahaha. Every day is busy. So very busy. I wake up before the sun to train, then head to a cafe. I want to say I work at the cafe, but not all my cafe activities bring in income so I don’t want to say […]

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Perfect-perfect – 8/100

Sometimes I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I struggle to find the right words. I struggle to organize my thoughts. I struggle to decide the next course of action. I struggle with my conscience. I struggle with judging others. I struggle with being softer, kinder. I struggle trying to be more feminine. I […]

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My First Adult Heartbreak pt. 2 of 2 – 5/100

I’ve never really done a two-part post before. I started out with a thought that later became too long for one post. The first part is my defining my First Adult Heartbreak (FAH), creating context around what happened and then, the process of recovering and finding myself again. The second part is more of how I look […]

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Working For/with My Dad – 4/100

As an unemployed human being, I’ve been enlisted by my enterprising father to help with a new e-commerce website. My responsibilities include: Purchasing domain name(s) Working with BigCommerce support because purchasing a new domain name via BC caused the current website to go down… Life “Designing website” aka selecting theme on BigCommerce Figuring out categories and site organization […]

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My First Adult Heartbreak pt. 1 of 2

My first and only (thus far) adult heartbreak happened when I was 25/26. It happened with a guy I met on a dating app who happened to live 5 minutes from me. He had this bad boy streak about him, a mysterious dark vibe that indicated he’d been through some kind of hell and back. He once […]

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A Gramma’s Wisdom

I was changing in the locker room when a Korean gramma approached her locker and then, me. She had round laughing eyes that also looked like she wouldn’t take shit from anyone. She asked me in Korean what my age was, something that pretty much all Koreans do. I responded in Korean – 27. She exclaimed, Oh […]

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What I don’t know

Today, I did the unthinkable. I wasted time. In actuality, it wasn’t a waste of time. I stayed in bed about 15 minutes longer. Went to the gym later than I’d planned. Put in my bike workout. Went home, showered, headed out to pick up a new bike for the tri. Helped someone run an […]

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True and False

Things I grew up believing that may not be true. Actually, they aren’t, at least not in their entirety. Everyone needs to go to college.* You need to go to a reputable university to be worth something. College will teach you about life and how to succeed. You’re going to regret the scars from playing […]

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No thank you but fine

My dad’s been telling me to be soft… and feminine… and basically uncomfortable. LOL. Because right now, I do not feel soft and feminine, or even want to exude anything like that, especially toward him. UGH. I want to punch him. Because my hardness and low-balling tactics are partly because of him, know what I mean? […]

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The voice and the water

Now that this week is over, I have so many ideas, so many things I want to write and share about. People have asked if I’m going to keep updating the blog with how things are going and I said Yes I would. So the entire week has passed and I’ve written one post, about […]

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Lessons from My Dating Past to Present

My dating career isn’t too extensive, though its trajectory does seem to show some promise. By that I mean I haven’t dated too much but I feel like I’m getting better and better at reading and picking out good guys, and even men. My first adult relationship happened at 25 years old. The four years […]

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No mo’ FOMO

I used to ask everyone I met while traveling for their contact info. I always wanted to find some way to connect because who knew what the future held. I stopped. Because I stopped feeling like I would miss out if I didn’t keep these people in my life somehow. I stopped feeling like they […]

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Something new

I decided to take a copywriting course. It’s a paid course. It has homework assignments and a discussion forum — the whole shebang. This is a step in a direction of non-9-to-5-ness. Hahaha. Did you even understand that? Anyway. I started with much vigor, excitement, and expectation. I just finished an assignment. And I’m about to do […]

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Step by step, ya big baby

This marathon weekend is a big deal to me. I would never have bought tickets to the damn thing and flown all the way to Orlando to do what I can do perfectly fine over in Cali. But a good friend of mine insisted and here we are. I struggled at first, this is crazy […]

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