My friend Ashmi – 70/100

I’m in San Francisco visiting a kindred spirit, a friend that I’ve never met before in person. Her name is Ashmi. We met online through our blogs – I had commented on one of her posts that really resonated with me and she responded a couple weeks later after reading through my blog. Once she […]

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It is all good – 69/100

A part of me doesn’t want to write. A big part. I didn’t want to write yesterday. And I still don’t feel like writing today. Sometimes the words don’t seem to flow. Like they’re stuck somewhere within. They are surely there. I don’t think they’re waiting or anything, needing my permission to come through. But […]

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Birthday girl – 68/100

As my birthday nears, I’m feeling more and more sober about festivities and celebrations. I initially wanted to have an open event, perhaps a bonfire, invite everyone and their moms to come out, enjoy the beach, the company, the gathering. That’s usually what I gravitate toward. There’s something about being around people I appreciate, people […]

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What a MF ride – 67/100

I have been given so much. So so so so so so much. I have been loved much. I have been healed much. I have been set free… much. Hahaha does that even flow? Anyway. I am grateful. It’s the air I breathe, this gratitude. I get to live in this space. I get to […]

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Then Now and now Now – 66/100

Over the past several years, I’ve gone inside for answers. It was a lot of sifting through thoughts, contemplating, wondering, processing. All of which led to knowing and experiencing peace, freedom, and a deeper sense of Love. I felt there was a lot to understand, a lot to actively pursue. There still is, no doubt. […]

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Origins – 65/100

One of the hardest parts of this chapter of my life is not feeling free to express and share as I am on social media. Specifically, regarding my parents. I do share openly on my blog and that’s shared on Facebook automatically but I’m about 100% sure that my parents don’t read it. They won’t […]

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Welcome to the Mad Tea Party – 64/100

I saw this on my way home from work. Took me a second to read and comprehend it. When I did, it tickled me. Life really is exactly that sometimes – a mad tea party. Everyone is doing their best the best they know how. Everyone is wanting the best for themselves, in a non-narcissistic […]

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Remembering and releasing pain – 63/100

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my person (that’s for another post, another day) and we were talking through an incident that happened that day (yesterday). There was some miscommunication which we were hashing out. Nothing big, nothing new. Throughout the conversation, I felt a little shitty – about myself. Near the end of the […]

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Reframing disappointment – 62/100

It wasn’t until very recently that I’ve been operating life from a fear of disappointment. That wasn’t very surprising, to be honest. It helped me understand why I didn’t go for things, why I held my breath for the other shoe to drop, why I detached myself from desires, wants, hopes. To be honest, it […]

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Simple truths – 61/100

Life is limitless. I am limitless. You are limitless. There is time for everything. What I want, wants me. What you want, wants you. There is enough for me. There is enough for you. There is enough for all of us. Life happening for me. For you. For us. In simple truths, in Truth, it […]

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Alchemical connection – 60/100

There is nothing quite as beautiful as beholding someone who chooses to show up. Not physically. I’m talking with all they got, all they are, all they want. With all the inner workings, desires, hopes, insecurities, fears, doubts. It’s the showing up that indicates Life. A desire to Live. A desire to be free, to […]

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Being humbled – 59/100

  Being humbled is one of the best and worst feelings in the world. It’s the worst because something feels like it’s dying. The best because it gives way, gives birth to something new, usually something that serves better, fits better with a happier, freer life. The worst because it feels like I’m letting go […]

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Answered questions – 58/100

So, the guy I had written about a couple weeks ago reached out today. There was some disbelief. A little huh? Why? A little huh – let’s see what’s up. We decided to talk after I left work, there were unanswered questions – for me. I wasn’t interested in much else but getting some answers […]

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Body image Pt. 2 – 57/100

Back in 2008, I had an experience that changed my life, changed my world, the way I see it, the way I stand in it. But that experience alone was not enough to change my relationship with my body. That experience alone was not enough to heal me and allow me to enjoy and love […]

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Whisper – 56/100

I thought I knew what I wanted and to ask for it. I thought I was pretty in tune with my preferences. I thought I used my voice pretty well, pretty often. Until, I wasn’t and didn’t. Until, I was asked what I wanted, really asked – and I noticed, underneath my usual go-with-the-flow, I’m-good […]

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Body image Pt. 1 – 55/100

I grew up an athlete. Swim, track, tennis, figure skating, more track, cross country, springboard diving, … Though I knew I was strong and physically in shape, I didn’t agree with the mirror. I lived in my own hell and prison, believing I was not thin enough, lean enough, toned enough. I grew up sucking […]

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For me – 54/100

Life is happening for me. Hasn’t always felt that way. But even then, it was. Generously, freely, delightfully. Life is happening for me in ways I didn’t anticipate or even desire. In ways that flow to the depths of my soul, reach the edges of my heart. I am humbled and ecstatic. Expectant and content. […]

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Water off a duck’s back – 53/100

It really is that simple. To walk away when the words out of someone’s mouth don’t serve me. To release myself from the grip of another, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, who doesn’t see me the way I choose to show up in the world. To laugh off the judgment, like water off a duck’s back. […]

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To my friend – 52/100

I hear your pain. I see your pain. I almost feel your pain. I don’t know the answers. I don’t need to know. I’m here for you, friend. I’m here at your sidelines. I’ll walk alongside you. I’ll run next to you if you need. I believe in greater things for you, as you believe […]

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Eyes, soul, heart – 51/100

Her eyes, so piercing and inviting, soul, so wild and free heart, so open and willing. The depth both scares and draws, like a moth to flame dancing to possible death There’s nothing to do but leap, jump that cliff, challenge gravity, defy the emptiness of failed connections. Thoughts, feelings, decisions feel seemingly recklessness until […]

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Flow, a gift and birthright – 50/100

When something flows, it flows. It flows freely, joyfully, delightfully. There’s certain way one gets lost in flow. And there’s no desire to be found. No need. The flow becomes everything. And everything becomes flow. It’s a beautiful thing. A wonderful thing. A thing we are all meant for. It’s lovely that it looks different […]

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I don’t want to know everything – 49/100

If I were to see where I am, who I am today, three weeks ago, three months ago, three years ago, nine years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself, known how to arrive in the future, into myself. It’s quite unbelievable, in my opinion, the level […]

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Anticipation creeping – 48/100

I’ve talked about where I stand in regards to my parents’ opinions about me, especially in the space and chapter of life that I’m in. I’m still there. Still, there’s a part of me that feels tension, hairs on edge, breath held… Mainly because I feel like they may find out earlier than later. Or […]

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Past flame – 47/100

I dated someone I met in New York last October up until mid-March. We had cool vibes and a sweet connection going on. But it didn’t work. We could say it’s the distance. Or the time difference. Or whatever. But it didn’t work. Looking back now, it was very clear that we weren’t going to […]

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Sex and intercourse – 46/100

I’ve been had. All my life, I thought sex was intercourse. And it is, this is true. But I thought that’s all it was. And over the past years, it’s becoming more and more clear. Sex doesn’t begin in the bed. Sex begins at the dinner table. It begins in the supermarket. In the parking […]

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As much as I want – 45/100

I’m finding that there is no limit to anything. I’m finding that I can have what I want. All that I want. Everything I want. Life is generous. I get to choose how generous it is to me. I not only get to knock on the door. I get to open the door. I get […]

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My own road – 44/100

One of the first things that came to mind when I faced the question about my romantic and sexual capacity was my parents. More specifically, what they would think about me, their flesh and blood choosing and declaring herself a taboo of their society and culture. One of the first things to go when I […]

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Sacred calling – 43/100

Yesterday evening found me sprawled out on my bed feeling not-normal. Feeling bleh, meh, and eh. It wasn’t horrible. Which is intolerable to me at this point. In the past, it was all I knew, this feeling of emptiness, quiet anxiety, lack. Now, I acknowledge and allow, but it is not where I choose to […]

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Post confession: It was already there all along – 42/100

There has been amazing support and love in response to the previous post. I am humbled and deeply grateful. It adds to and amplifies the effortlessness of this space and chapter for me. Thank you. A couple people reached out privately in response to the post. In the conversations, they shared that in our first […]

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Kissing – 41/100

I shared a couple weeks ago that I’m exploring something very close to me, something I never thought was something to even wonder about or question: my sexuality. Since then, it’s been a very interesting ride of putting language to my feelings and experiences. Sometimes, I’m at a loss of words and I need to […]

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Fun or bust – 40/100

I have decided that I don’t want to do anything that’s not fun.   I would normally counter this and say, Yes, I understand all the implications of that declaration, mainly I’m not responsible nor realistic. And I realize, that’s okay. That’s extremely okay. More than okay. Because first – I find a LOT of […]

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Too different, a little wild, then and now – 39/100

A guy once said he wouldn’t date me because I was too different, a little wild. At the time, I was offended because I really really liked him – a lot. Like a lot lot. I could not understand what he saw, why he didn’t see what I saw, or wanted to see. That we’d […]

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Vulnerability – 38/100

Vulnerability. So daring and tender. Every moment of opening feels a little like leaping off a cliff, yet it’s become so familiar, it’s home. There is comfort and even safety in the unknown, in allowing to come through what already is within, in allowing another to see, to know, and to love the heart and […]

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I like what I dislike – 37/100

I used to not like the things I didn’t like in my life. I thought they ruined the picture, whether it was cooked carrots or exes that left a bad taste or a job that sucks my soul dry and leaves it out to rot. Anything that made me annoyed, unhappy, cringe. But when I […]

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Soul vibrations – 36/100

Music is the sound of soul. Hating aside, there’s some stuff out there I don’t understand or vibe with. And there are some good ass shiz out there, stuff that have me vibing good, vibing high. Music does a soul good. Feeds a soul, empowers, relaxes, energizes, sends on a journey… Like this one. Bumping […]

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Committed, not enslaved – 35/100

I got carried away in a magnetizing conversation last night and completely forgot to write my words for the day. My friend, Jolie, asked if I’m alright with it this morning, Are you okay with breaking the commitment? I looked at the text and laughed. Not at my friend but at the way I used […]

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On trying and not making it – 34/100

I’m up in the mountains this weekend with a good friend from my Spiritual Psychology program. We went hiking this morning and on our way down, we hung out by the river. We rock-hopped a bit, which I love. There’s something about charting the course, escaping the water, sometimes barely, below me that draws me. […]

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Looking back on my own bullshit – 33/100

Whenever I take showers after working out or training for something, I remember back to a moment in high school track and field – or cross country, I don’t remember. I remember I was either a freshman or sophomore and hanging out in a group with the upperclassmen and team captains. We were talking about […]

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I asked for an adventure – 32/100

I asked God for an adventure. I thought I knew what I was asking. I thought I knew what it would look like. I thought I knew where it would take me – or at least an idea. I know now I knew nothing. Not knowing has never been so damn exciting and fun. This […]

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Sexuality for me – 31/100

Once you go down the rabbit hole of questioning everything, there are no exceptions. No mercy. No loopholes. I mean, we can choose to let certain things go, to maintain our peace and sense of comfort. And there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve done that many times. And these things I had let go […]

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Yoga for me – 30/100

I’ve been incorporating yoga into my morning routine. It’s been a very grounding way to get the started. When I’m in it, all I’m aware of is my breath. And my muscles stretching off last night’s sleep. It brings me into the body and, as I’m aware that all I need to be doing in […]

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Reiki for me – 29/100

As I so publicly shared on Instagram and Facebook a couple weeks ago, I am certified in Reiki as a Master-Teacher. It doesn’t roll off my tongue because it’s hard for me to own it for some reason. Another story, another post. I’ve been offering free sessions, to get my name out, build my practice, […]

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I’ll go until I stop. – 28/100

I went hiking this morning after a night out celebrating my best friend’s birthday. Happy happy (early) birthday Staffff!!! Hahaha. I know you’re going to see this. Hit me up when you do 🙂 For kicks. On my way back to the car, I decided to run. Most of the way back was downhill, and […]

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Genderblind – 27/100

This past week, I attended a seminar at the university where I’m taking my 10-month certificate program (another story, another blog post hahah). The conversation was around Peace in the Middle East (that’s what the event was called). Afterward, during Q&A, a woman stood up and diplomatically noted that none of the panelists were female […]

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Food poisoning revelations – 26/100

Last night, after catching up with a friend, I rushed home wanting to crawl into bed. That usually doesn’t happen, but it does, so I thought nothing of it. I went home, rinsed off in the shower, threw on my PJ’s, and dove into bed. Only to get up five minutes later to throw up. […]

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Remembering what remains – 25/100

This week has me feeling a little off. Anyone else? To be very honest, I’m feeling a little less hopeful, taking a couple minutes longer to get out of bed. I’m not sure what it is. But to a certain degree, it doesn’t matter. I still feel and express gratitude in every moment, every breath. […]

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Women’s Council – 24/100

In January, I started a monthly Women’s Council gathering. It is one of the funnest things I’ve experienced in my life. It is always filled with laughter, bonding, connection, vulnerability, depth, and intention. I hit up a handful of women around me that I thought might be interested in coming out. When I first sat […]

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Aladdin is woke – 23/100

I woke up today with a song stuck in my head. I hope it gets stuck in yours too. Lyrics are below. Bolded and italicized lines are courtesy of me as they speak to me on a deeper level. A Whole New World [Lea Salonga, Brad Kane] I can show you the world Shining, shimmering splendid […]

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Saturday musings on this journey – 22/100

Life is easier than I once thought. Kinder. Sweeter. Deeper. Wider. Brighter. Lighter. Happier. More full of joy. Hope. Love. Adventure. Connection. Exhilaration. Purpose. Peace. Grandeur. Possibilities. Fun. Freedom More infinite. Ha. All that I’d once expected, burn it all to the ground, disintegrate everything. Everything. Watch everything that had once been carefully curated, cultivated, […]

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Grace’s first day of hot yoga – 21/100

My friend Bonnie invited me to join her for a hot yoga class at 6am Friday, today. She had invited me a week ago and I was looking forward to it. Little did I know how entertaining it would be. We confirmed with each other last night that we were still on. I said I […]

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Zero bullshit zone – 20/100

I recently listened to a song that I hadn’t heard in several months. I listened to this song many many many times in the past, trudging through high school and college. And this time, I heard one line that resonated with me. “Either face the music, or get away from me stupid.” Beautiful beautiful words. […]

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Get out of my space – 19/100

I used to get triggered when others got triggered. I felt offended that their triggered state was invading my peaceful state. And then I realized how stupid that was. My state is mine. I determine what it feels like. No one else. No one else has been given dominion over my state. Just me. Someone […]

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Hungry and definitely foolish – 18/100

I once dated a guy who had something to say about the title of this blog, Hungry and Foolish. It comes from Steve Jobs, originally said, Stay hungry, stay foolish. This guy I dated said that he didn’t agree with the Foolish part, almost as if it was beneath him. Like the idea of being […]

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My soul in traffic – 17/100

Some of my most holy moments happen while sitting in traffic. Yes, beautiful Southern California congestion. Yes, on the asphalt under crawling vehicles. On the 405, 5, 91, 605… all of them. It’s when I’m sitting in traffic that I wonder where everyone is headed. And it makes me realize that everyone is doing their […]

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My mom and my eyebrows – 16/100

I got my eyebrows retouched from microblading (tattoo) a few days ago. I thought the lady that did the work did a great job. I liked it and heard compliments from others. I finally got the chance to show my mom. “Look Mom, I got my eyebrows touched up.” “Ah I see, it looks okay.” […]

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A woman – 15/100

Women are like smoke. Smoke is unbendable. Uncontainable. Or when one does try to contain smoke, it dissipates and loses its essence. Smoke flows and moves with the air whichever way. Smoke is unattached. It just is. One can only watch it rise and go go go… One can only behold. One who tries to […]

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What-world vs. How-world – 14/100

Life shifted for me once I shifted my focus from the What to the How. In the What-world, I measure my happiness by what I did, what I could expect to gain from the activity or people or event or anything. In the How-world, I measure my happiness by how I feel at any given […]

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Some things don’t change (a year later) – 13/100

After my last post last night, I was going through my old notes on my laptop, deleting and moving things around to simplify. And I came across a note written exactly a year ago since yesterday. And it said, “My last day is in 4 days.” Pretty what I wrote yesterday about my one-year anniversary lol. I […]

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One year since I left corporate – 12/100

It’s been almost a year since I left the public accounting firm. In four days, to be exact. I remember several months before putting in my two weeks, talking with fellow coworkers about what we wanted to do in life. I remember that terrible sinking feeling as I realized I would not be working toward […]

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Peace – 11/100

There is really nothing better than being at peace with where I’m at, what I’m doing, who I am, and where I’m going. Nothing.

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Gratitude stream (a day late) – 10/100

I am grateful. I woke up this morning. I woke up this morning feeling healthy and rested. I woke up this morning at a good friend’s place in a beautiful neighborhood. I woke up curious for what the day held and excited because I knew it was going to be good no matter what. I […]

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Can’t sleep won’t sleep – 9/100

Time is 2:26am. New day. New blog post. I woke up around midnight. I knew immediately I would not be going back to sleep for a while. I still tried to fool myself by keeping my eyes closed and breathing long and slow. I eventually got up to pee. And somewhere along the way, I […]

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Humbled three times – 8/100

One of the most humbling moments of my life was the realization that someone I had believed only wanted to condemn me judge me hurt me actually only wanted to be heard. By me. The second most humbling moment then followed in the form of realizing that I had been struggling all my life with […]

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Me and my name – 7/100

Someone introduced a song to me this past weekend. It made me close my eyes, fall into the sound, the lyrics, the vibrations. It made me blossom within, open up to the journey to myself, remember who I am. The song is called Grace by U2 (watch on YouTube – cover by Nicole Nordeman). My […]

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My juvenile bucket list – 6/100

My senior year of high school, our class wrote letters to ourselves, to be opened 10 years from graduation. I think I wrote two letters, one kept by the class president and one kept with me. I recently opened the one I had kept and it made me laugh and cringe. I had been hoping […]

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Being misunderstood – 5/100

Last night at dinner with my parents and gramma, I mentioned my gramma was cute, or gwee-yuh-wuh in Korean. I forgot what she had done or said but it made me laugh. My dad immediately said, while looking at me disapprovingly, Who calls their gramma cute? That’s inappropriate. For some reason, this moment stuck with […]

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Okay fine, I was being dramatic – 4/100

My last couple posts were sort of low, so low to the point I wondered if I’m being melodramatic. And I kind of do think I was. In the past day, I realized something. I realized the way I told my high school story hasn’t changed… since high school. And now, through the last two […]

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2/100 continued – 3/100

Continued from 2/100. Was there something more perhaps that kept me alive? Something that I knew deep deep deep deep deep down within that wanted to keep living? To keep trying? Maybe. Yes. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. Truly. Every day today is so full and complete and happy. I cannot […]

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The low low – 2/100

My 10-year high school reunion happened last year in November. When I saw the Facebook invite several months earlier, I stopped a second. A flood of emotions and thoughts ran through me. Up until a couple years ago, high school was my least favorite time on Earth. I bookmarked it as some of my lowest […]

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And… again – 1/100

Yeah. Again. But with more rules. 400 words max. No minimum. No Sundays. Must have minimum one image. Just made that one up. I really feel it in my blood to create something. I’m itching to put something out there. Not for recognition but for my own purpose of existence. I want to be seen, […]

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Source and Me

I am Source. Source lives in me. I live in Source. There is no separation between us. But the “us” negates the separation. How can this be? How can two be One? How can One be two? It’s impossible. And to me, that’s Life. It’s the impossible. The in-between. The inexplicable, uncontainable, untameable. By definition, […]

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Not my family’s keeper

It is my belief that family, those who we grew up with or were raised by, are not here for us to help them. It is my belief that they are here for us to help ourselves. I’ve tried so many times, too many to count, to reconcile with my parents. I’ve tried too many […]

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Keep that stale loaf away from me

As I waited at the edge of Santa Monica Blvd, for the little white figure across the street to tell me I could cross, a thought flitted across my mind, a thought about my writing, or lack thereof recently. I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have anything interesting to share. And even as […]

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Thoughts on not writing

I haven’t been writing lately. The last entry in my journal was dated 1/21/18 – 7 days ago. The last blog post was dated 1/17/18 – 11 days ago. I haven’t been writing lately although there are many moments when I feel overwhelmed. Not with fear and doubt and anxiety, like I used to feel […]

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What my Lyft driver taught me about my parents

My Lyft driver from LAX to home was a middle-aged Korean man. I knew he was Korean because of the name displayed in the app but I still cautiously asked what his nationality was – in English at first. In his second language, he said Yes and fell into awkward silence. Middle-aged Korean men don’t […]

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3 words

Explorative, True, and Transformative Those are my three words for 2017. Explorative Looking back at the past couple years, I recognize the level of effortless commitment I experienced in finding and living my truth. And that involved stepping out of my comfort zone, leaving behind things that I felt no longer served me or my […]

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Straight shootin

I grew up thinking this is what an apple looks like after it’s fully consumed: Imagine my surprise when I ran into this a couple years ago: I felt like everything I knew was a sham. I know I know, I’m dramatic. I’ve already accepted it. But really, I was sort of appalled that I […]

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What Is

Sometimes… I feel this powerful intention, a surge of desire and even emotion, come through. And I know it’s not me and it’s all of me. I know I’m not alone yet, I am one. I know there is something there. Something there… so deep… so intrinsic. In these moments, there is no fear because […]

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Thought Excerpt

Excerpt from my journal written December 22, 2017. Remembering that page in this journal written November 17, 2017 that says in BIG letters – FOLLOW MY BLISS. SEE WHERE IT LEADS. TRUST THE BLISS. YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED… Many pages and days later… This is what I have to say: I AM FOLLOWING MY BLISS. […]

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Connection

I’ve been using this networking app called Shapr. It works like Tinder or any dating app where you view profiles and swipe right if you dig, left if you don’t. If both parties swipe right, game on. I’ve connected with several individuals since I got back on it a few weeks ago. It’s been fun. […]

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No mo FOMO pt. 2

FOMO was a real thing for me. It loyally guided most, if not all, of my decisions in how I spent my time, shared my energy, focused my attention. I gravitated toward people, experiences, and places that I felt, if I could just get in their vicinity, I would feel more whole, happier, belong-ed (not […]

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Permission

Gooooooooooood morningggg!!! Damn it feels good to be alive. It feels so good to open my eyes another morning, breathe another breath, make another breakfast smoothie, pack another lunch, and get ready to own this beautiful beautiful day of this crazy amazing life. Immediately, I feel a sense of gloom-and-doom. Because life can’t always be […]

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Some thoughts on truth and life

Truth is when no one is looking, it is happening as when no one cares, it remains even as it’s not acknowledged. It cannot not be what it is. It is so pure, so unaffected by expectations, intentions, and effort. It is so perfect. That’s how I know it’s Truth – I can feel it. […]

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My education

Since I made the shift back in March to go broke and align myself with what I truly want to do, I’ve been educating myself. I’ve signed up for classes, joined empowerment groups, attended conferences, bought books (I’ve even read some of them heehee), etc. It’s so interesting, I’ve been raised to learn what I […]

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One humanity

Sometimes, I write to come to myself. I always start with where I am, physically e.g. I’m in Miami. Then I go into my mind i.e. I’m thinking about ____________. Then I drop into my heart i.e. I’m feeling _____________. And that’s scary sometimes because I have no idea what’s going to come out. And […]

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100/100

The day has come. My 100th post. Not my 100th day. More like… the 173rd day. Yep. Hahaha. You know what I love most? It’s definitely not that I can barely recognize the person who wrote the first post. It’s not that I feel like I’ve grown so damn much. And not that I’ve come sooooo […]

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Letting go of my idea of church – 99/100

I stopped going to church a little over a year ago. But I felt like it followed me. It followed in the bad taste I got seeing mission-goers singing in front of Korean markets to raise funds. It followed in the rolling of my eyes when people I had known through church told me to […]

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NYC rambling – 98/100

New York was amazing. I went feeling that something about the trip would change me. And I left knowing that I was. I can’t quite put a finger on what it is what was changed. But I feel fulfilled. My therapist asked me if I felt like going to NYC was like experiencing life in […]

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