stories of becoming
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full sails
so many things are making sense as of late so many things are falling into place and by so many things, i mean, my understanding, awareness. everything was already there, not even waiting. they were just there. the aspects of my mind, body, soul, heart. all there. all here. being. just being. and i was…
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main character
i remember being 8 years old or so 3rd grade standing outside on the asphalt recess time gray sky, gray clouds hanging around i remember standing look out into the sky kids playing on the monkey bars, running around recess monitor walking around, hands clasped behind them and me standing alone looking out pulling from…
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she’s good
i wasn’t as productive as i wanted to be today my to-do list remains quite to-do-y normally, i can feel the anxiety and dread creeping up in the evening beckoning me to sit at the desk to log in to scramble to make up for lost time lost focus lost value and i realized, i’m…
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hope
it’s so interesting to look back on memories and see them differently than i had experienced them like did you know it’s not normal to turn off the lights and go to bed or pretend to go to bed when you heard your dad pull up into the driveway? or did you know it’s not…
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late
something about the sun going down has me feeling mellow alone yearning not sure for what but wanting something a distraction? i’m reminded of an ig reel i saw today this guy said something like, for all you people out there who didn’t have an emotional connection with your primary caregivers… how is it wanting…
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soon day
‘so, are you gonna write a book?’ Stef asks this so innocently over the phone then adds, ‘it would make a great birthday gift… … … my birthday is this month’ lol she cracks me up. as if i didn’t know. i think one day, probably sooner than i think, i will work on a…
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ex act ly me
I got off the phone feeling mildly heated Annoyed Flustered Soul and I just had “discussion” around which salsa was the one they liked – they were at the farmers market and wanted to buy the one we had eaten a few weeks back. I felt like I had explained what I knew and felt…
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how the tables have turned
one of the things i find myself blaming myself most often for is ‘i should have known better’ i should have known better. it’s a hard path to walk, not that the path is hard, but i make the path hard because with that accusation, i take away the lightness and the freshness of the…
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sweet release
releasing always feels good you know what doesn’t feel good right up to it happening? releasing lol in those moments, it’s always so… tumultuous tormenting torturous all the t-words and then when i finally let go let in let out let all … more t-words it’s torrential okay i couldn’t think of more t-words to…
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cheers
i had lunch with a new friend somewhere along the conversation, she shared with me that she respects her dad so much, that she looks up to him to most out of everyone she knows i smiled, my heart warmed i responded “that is so beautiful to hear…” and i could hear the habit within…
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tears for another lifetime
i teared up today thinking about my dad in another lifetime happy, fulfilled, feeling loved.